CASE #13: ALEXANDRA + PHIL

illustration by alexandra.

SUBMITTED BY: ALEXANDRA
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: 3 YEARS
INFO: Well, I think this would go under the "disturbing" category. I was an innocent little slip of a girl when I met him, and he had a whole seven years on me. For three years I, as you do when your an innocent little slip of a person, hung onto his every word until one day... for what seemed to be no apparent reason at all, I had come up with a rather nasty case of Mono. No one in my family had had it. I'd never before, and not for some time after, kissed anyone. When I asked him about it, he ceased any form of contact. Now more than a year later, I still get mad when I hear anyone play Modest Mouse.

----------------------------------------------------

FROM: ALEXANDRA
TO: PHIL
SUBJECT: THE LETTER

I Know It's Been Three Years. Three Solid Years Without Having Even Seen Each Other. But On Nights Like These I Still Think Of You. As Odd As It May Seem. I Wonder What It Would Be Like If We'd Have Stayed Together? Would We Still Be Together, Or Would We Have Broken Up Already? Or Would We Have Had A Deep, Meaningful Relationship? Would You Have Told Anyone About Me? It's Times Like These That, Though I Hate To Admit It, I Miss You. As Cruel As It May Sound, I Mostly Like To Think You're Still Lonely, Not For The Purpose OF Being Mean, But Because I Am. But Still, I Wonder If You're With Someone, If You've Finally Found The Love Of Your Life?

I've Changed, As I'm Sure You Can Imagine. I'm Less Nervous And Shy, I Have A Lot More To Say Than I Did Back Then. I've Lost Weight, Started Dressing Better.

Of Course, I'm Curious If You Still Have That Sex Toy You Bought Me On Our Second Date? I Wonder What Had Given You The Idea That That Was A Good Idea? We Hadn't Even Had Sex Yet. I'd Never Had Sex With Anyone. Surely You Can Imagine How Intimidating That Can Be To A Shy Young Virgin, As I Was In Those Days?

But... I Know All The Gush Was Just Me Being Lonely. I Know How Bitter I Was When Things Changed, And I Still Wonder Why They Did. I Still Lement All The Time I Lost Being Sick Because Of You. How Hideous I Felt For Ages Afterword. How I've Yet To Have Allowed Myself Anyone That Could Ever Really Love Me, And Still No Longer Believe Anyone Ever Could.

So I'll Leave It At This.