CASE #14: BEATRICE + ASHTON

SUBMITTED BY: BEATRICE
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: 2.5 hours
LENGTH OF HARASSMENT: 2.5 weeks
INFO: I am not sure if you can use it as it may be a bit similar to other "stalker" submissions you have. I featured this particular little experience on my own blog because it was far too good to keep to myself.

To give a tiny bit of background, I met this fellow at the bus stop the night I had just broken up with the guy I had been seeing for the past few months. He broke it off with me and unfortunately, everything was done "in person" so sadly no juicy letters to include on that front. Anyway, I was on my way home and this fellow Ashton started chatting to me while we were waiting for the bus and despite my total lack of interest, he kept chatting it up. From this dialogue,I learned that he had just moved to the city and did not know many people. He also played in the band of a fairly well known artist and had told me that he would be happy to get me and some friends into some gigs for free. This, I was interested in, so I gave him my email address.

I can send you the email exchange that followed the next day if you want, where he explains that he was happy to have met me and wanted to meet up for some beers and the like. I said, sure, what the hell. In every reply I was very explicit about meeting as friends only (I was new to the city myself) and explained that things had just ended with someone the previous night. He was very sympathetic and assured me that being new to the city; he was just looking to meet friends too.

We met up a few nights later and it was quite obvious from the beginning that he paid no heed to my "can always use another friend in the city" attitude. It turns out that he was not, in fact, new to the city but had grown up here and moved back only recently. Why the deception... who knows, but it got worse.

Somehow... and I really have no idea how, the conversation turned to homosexuality, specifically, his loathing thereof. And by this I mean that for about half an hour he ranted about homosexuals being the cause of all STDs, something to do with a gay man having sex with a monkey and burning in hell, other things of this nature. Oh, I tried to argue, but to no avail. Needless to say, I was horrified and told him as much when I left. It was my understanding that my disgust towards him was quite obvious but... I should have known better. The following was the last email exchange we had, although I did receive many phone calls from him pleading to give him another chance... Being too much of a chickenshit, and because I mildly feared for my life, I returned none of them. He then left the country. The end... Fingers crossed.

Lesson learned? Never speak to strange men in bus stops.

**Please note that no changes were made to the grammar and text of the emails. With the exception of a change of names, this is completely as it was when I received it. Also note that the 360 restaurant is the very, very expensive restaurant a top the CN tower in Toronto.


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DATE: Friday, January 28, 2005 10:14 AM
FROM: ASHTON
TO: BEATRICE
SUBJECT: GOOD MORNING

Hi there,

well i feel the need to appologise for my reaction and opinion about yesterdays issue, i made my self lool like a fool and a closed minded person however i have experienced an incident in my life where i lost a close friend of mine that had a bisexual boyfriend who transfered Hiv to her and sadly she passed away last year, however it seems like everytime something bad happenes to me i blame everyone around me for it like what i did when my father died i blamed my whole family for it.

i believe its not fair to blame homosexuals for what happened to her but believe me beatrice its so hard to lose a friend. again i thank you for opening my eyes to this subject again, i needed to rethink about it.

however i was really happy that we met and talked, i felt like we shared alot in common, so i really would love to see you again and maybe u can know and see more aspects of me and for that i went ahead and reserved a table for us tonite at the 360 restaurant (its the rotating restaurant at the top of the cn tower) i heard its beautiful there, i have never been there and would love to take you there.

however if you feel like not going i will totally understand, but i really feel the need to clear this up and make it up to u, you are an awsome girl, very intelligent and i love the way you think and i dont want to lose you.

Ashton

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DATE: Friday, January 28, 2005 11:27 AM
FROM: BEATRICE
TO: ASHTON
SUBJECT: RE: GOOD MORNING

Hi Ashton,

Thanks again for the evening -- it certainly was interesting. And thanks for explaining where you were coming from re: last nights' issue. I am truly sorry to hear about your friend. I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do but am glad that you might now be able to recognize that just because one person has behaved in a terrible way, it doesn't mean that an entire group, race, gender etc... should be lumped together and blamed. That kind of thinking can cause a lot of problems. Look what happened after 9/11 when, after a small group of terrorists of Arab descent decided to fly some planes into some buildings, the general public decided that all people of Arab descent were terrorists too. Don't even get me started on the Holocaust. You have every right to feel angry about your friend; I'm just saying that you should be careful about where you direct it. Be angry with your friends' boyfriend-- it was he and he alone who caused this tragedy. Again, I am really sorry about your loss.

And thank you for the invitation to 360. I have never been there either but unfortunately I already have plans this evening. In any event, I could never let you take me there. I'm not sure if you understood last night, that I am really not in any place right now where I want to date anyone. I don't want you to get the wrong impression about what I am ready to commit to right now, which is pretty much nothing and will be nothing for sometime. I think you are a cool guy, and I could have seen you as a potential new friend in the city, which is why I decided to meet you in the first place. Going for a casual beer sometime could be doable at some point in the future, but the 360 is way too much. I hope this all makes sense to you.

Anyway, have a good weekend. I hope you get a chance to work on your music.

Beatrice