Thursday, March 16, 2006

CASE # 46: RACHEL + RICK



SUBMITTED BY:RACHEL
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: 15 MONTHS, 9 DAYS
INFO: N/A


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DATE: Tuesday Feb 7, 2006
FROM: RACHEL
TO: RICK
SUBJECT: Please don't delete this without reading it


So I guess you're not going to forgive me. And there's nothing I can say about it, is there? I was the jealous insecure basket-case who read your diary - so I'm the BAD ONE. Your male friends will say you're better off without that psycho bitch. And Pris is already stroking your hair and cooing how you deserve someone better...

Well, you do deserve better. I just hope you can still remember a time when that someone better was me. Before everything at home went to shit and it got so hard to get out of bed in the morning. This isn't an excuse - just an explanation. I've counted on you so much to be there for me. So when you got that mysterious call from Zhora at 11 PM and you said you couldn't talk about it, I freaked out. I know she still loves you. She told me she still loves you. So was it really insane of me to worry about it?

If this is really going to be the end of something that at least I thought was pretty goddamned special, I guess I need to know exactly what it is that you can't get past. That I didn't trust you enough? That I didn't respect your privacy? I know these are bad things. But are they literally unforgivable ?

I'm not going to pretend that there isn't an element of need in my asking you to let me into your arms again. But don't you pretend that it would be charity on your part if you did. I was awfully fucking good to you most of the time - even when it wasn't always easy to be.

So can't we say that we're two flawed people who make each other happy 85% of the time and get past this already? If I blew it over something so stupid, I'm going to be very, very upset.

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DATE: Tuesday Feb 7, 2006
FROM: RICK
TO: RACHEL
SUBJECT: Re:Please don't delete this without reading it


Yeah, it was pretty goddamned special. And yeah, you blew it. But how upset that makes you isn't my business any more.

You could have said, "I need you and I'm scared you're going to leave me for Zhora." And I would have kissed your eyelids and taken care of you and made you feel safe in my love. But instead you took what didn't belong to you. You showed a side of yourself that was small and nasty. If there's anything I can't forgive you for, it's making yourself ugly that way.

Obviously, I still love you. But I'll never trust you again. So there's no point in faking it. I'll try to remember the good things. There's nothing to stop you from doing the same.

Please don't e-mail me again.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Desparation is a tender trap
It gets you every time"
-U2

Yeah, insecurities always end up biting you in the ass. However, dude has a friggin' diary. A DIARY! I would have read it too. 'Nuff said.

11:45 AM, March 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is so sad. A man that unforgiving has no reason being in a relationship in the first place. Being mad is understandable. Ending the relationship is not. I'm sure worse things will happen in his life when he gets older, and someone reading a diary will be the least of his worries.

--Audrey

7:30 PM, March 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now THAT was a kickass breakup. She was wrong, he was wrong, they are both sad about it, but firm and probably a little stubborn. (I don't think he was wrong in being unforgiving about her snooping, for the record. Though I suspect there was a little more at work there.)

I predict these two are going to be friends in the future. That can't always happen, but I'd put money on these two. (And then SHE is going to be the one making his next girlfriend insecure.)

12:20 PM, March 21, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While I have done the same thing as her, I'm hypocritical in saying this but I don't blame him one bit. If he can't trust her, for whatever reason, then it's not meant to be anything more than what it is.
-Doug

12:57 PM, March 26, 2006  
Anonymous honeybadger said...

He's better off without the psycho bitch.

10:28 PM, March 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So according to Rick, it's ok to be curious, just ask for permission first before peeking?

Well, he didn't exactly say that he would have let her look at his diary . . .I don't know, but I know what Ms. Manners would say about snooping.

In my opinion, the need to search for more information indicates a basic breakdown in communication. Who fault then is the break-up? Both. He obviously fueled her fears by remaining silent about the phonecall, and she needed to be persistance in expressing the extent to which the situation bothered her instead of snooping.

On second thought, even if she had been persistant in voicing her concerns (at least she tried), if he insists of keeping secrets the relationship is doomed. The ball is in his court, if he loves her he needs to communicate that by calming her fears, and in this case that probably involves forking over some information. How much information depends on Rachel and her level of trust in Rick. But at the same time, Rick showed a low level of trust in Rachel by refusing to discuss the phonecall.

That's my two cents!

11:48 AM, April 09, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How is this about your trust issues? Your boyfriend was establishing a sexually charged relationship behind your back. In reality, you weren't being asked to trust him, you were being asked not to expose his bad behaviour. So if you don't accuse him of his indiscretions, you get to maintain the status quo of the relationship. This has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with denial.

You were in love with a liar, and liars suck to love. Nothing is ever their fault, they expect you to endorse their bullshit at all costs and when you don't, they somehow get you saying things like you don't want to sabotage the relationship because you found out they were lying.

People have near-perfect relationships with deceptive people all the time, and you can maintain your perfect relationship by not casting light on the deception, if you like (which you didn't - good for you). Or you could tell him you want to re-establish the boundaries to include honesty (which he rejected 'cause he's a liar).

One thing that's not going to happen, and you have to promise me this, is that you're not going to feel like shit for finding out he's been an asshole. When deceptive behaviour is uncovered by deceptive behaviour, well, too bad. You had every right to feel angry, hurt and disappointed... don't be so hard on yourself!

6:30 PM, April 14, 2006  
Blogger kieran moore said...

i think rick is full of crap - it would have been ok if you had done x but you did y so its over - bull - h just wanted to get back with the girl on the phone!

i do love that sign off line though: "Please don't e-mail me again." booya - thats gotta hurt!

love the site guys keep up the fine blogging!

4:10 PM, April 16, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

any man who has a diary is gay. so you're better off without him.

2:43 PM, April 21, 2006  
Anonymous red said...

most people don't "break up" over things like this. most people are fundamentally dysfunctional and "break up" for other people. at least that’s what i see. it was his easy out. most of us pray for an out like that. in short he didn't love you and was going to do it anyway

4:17 PM, April 21, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A. I don't think it was a "diary" what with the frilly cover and all. She refered to it as a diary, I'm sure he thinks of it as a journal.

B. Relationship wise... f you don't have trust, you don't have anything.

12:28 AM, April 24, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She read his journal. That is a sign of total distrust. I could never tolerate this.

I own a journal of my own and I am a male.

8:58 AM, May 01, 2006  

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