Wednesday, June 07, 2006


INFO: My boyfriend and I have broken up several times. Eventually we just gave up on it and moved in together. We've now been together for five years, but here is my favorite break up email exchange:



i realize this email will enlarge your already enormous ego, but i have something to say. after our little altercation ive been thinking and beating myself up over what you said. then i realized how stupid that was, and how wrong you are. the reason i have so much trouble opening up to you and being myself in front of you is because ive known from day one that you were a loser and that you were going to cause me nothing but trouble. i tried for the longest time to look past your bad qualities and see the good, but after the other night ive come to the conclusion that you have none. you try to make me feel bad for not being a slut and having morals, and thats just wrong. i think its ridiculous to sleep with every diseased random fat chick that you drunkenly stumble into in some random bar. i think its ridiculous to try to pickpocket drunk people. i think its ridiculous to be a father at 22. i think its ridiculous to do heroin.i think its ridiculous to have two years probation over sex with a 17 year old girl. i think your ridiculous and you deserve every bad thing that happens to you. all the other guys i date are so far up my ass that i cant walk. they call me everyday, they take me to places other than the shitty junkie bars, they pick me in cars that run and have reverse, and they do all this without the promise or even the mention of sex. they do it because they know im awesome, just like you know im awesome, even though you dont want to admit it. and yet all this time ive neglected them for you. i never wanted to be your girl friend, but i also never wanted a venereal disease, and if i stayed with you that would be inevitable. all i wanted is for you to respect me, but you cant respect anyone if you dont respect your self. and you obviously dont respect yourself. the truth is the reason im so crazy about you is because you remind me of my junkie alcoholic slut father. but thats a stupid reason to like somebody. so you can have your empty little hypocritical life and fuck random girls and be an alcoholic. but you can do it with out me, because i want more than that. i want someone who has more to offer than just a good fuck. im sorry i wasted your time, but i am much sadder about the time i wasted on you.


TO: JULIA life is pretty ridiculous, empty and hypocritical. I already knew that... this is why I'm looking for change. Sex got me into alot of ridiculous situations like being a father at 22, and 2 yrs probation cause some little slut (like you) couldn't go without tasting my cock. I could really care less about sex right now, it really hasn't done anything for me that my hand hasn't already. That is why I told you to leave...all you want to do is have sex. I might be a typical male and be able to get hard at the drop of a hat, but that shit gets boring after a while...I'm not a light switch that can be turned on and off. You have to make me want to fuck you. And I don't want to have to ask you questions all fucking night, this isn't a fucking job interview. I've been waiting for almost a year now for you to say something and you still haven't, besides mindless babble, and you inspire the same from me, just a bunch of white noise until the lights go out. Thats what it feels like.
-peace out


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my god, I hope the two of you start having children AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!!

3:03 PM, June 09, 2006  
Anonymous Whaddafuxup. said...

Don't procreate please. You have fucked up the gene pool enough.

1:29 AM, July 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounded like exactly something I would have written at 22.

Scary. I hope I've learned my lesson, even if you two haven't.

1:11 AM, July 26, 2006  

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