Wednesday, June 28, 2006

TESTIMONIALS PART TROIS



sometimes we like to give a holler back to the people that write about us. sometimes we just like to google ourselves while we roll around in big tubs of vaseline and see what comes up. either way, here's the latest.




Thanks for the e-closure website. I sometimes have dreams of cutting my ex's throat. He stumbles out of the house, spurting blood, and I let him die on the grass.

- shelley,
The Modern Anarchist




They're always looking for more (letters) and will keep things anonymous if you're worried about any future partners finding out just how big of a jerk you were the last time you dumped someone.

Our Favourite Boy Reporter Ever (besides Anderson Cooper)




If you can't get back together, get even.

The Lovely and Talented Josey Vogels




It's even better than voyeuristic Craigslist reading.

Not Keeping Score




Apresentando E-Closure, o Post Secret dos pés na bunda.

(no idea what this says but it's probably awesome.)

Escalartes




I'm a little disturbed that a site like this exists, but look at it if you get a chance.

Warnickashton




Ugh. Although this seemed lighthearted or tongue-in-cheek when I first visited the link, there is serious guilt and vitriol brimming over each post. Plus each example is commentable, and thus moral authority can be transferred one netizen to the next. Happy schadenfreude or research. I'm going to shower after reading through ten of these... cold and malcontent.

Sewers Of Babel




Personally, I think the best way to handle a breakup is with quiet dignity and perhaps a ceremonial burning, but that won't stop me from sorting through all this dirty laundry.

And often enough, there's a bit of a disconnect between the story and the exchange --that the emails don't quite reflect what the submitter claims is really going on.


Captain Renault on Monkey Filter.com




God, this is depressing. I wonder if I have any old Zoloft tablets at the bottom of my old purse. On the bright side, if everyone were to read these letters, I bet we'd hit Zero Population Growth in about five years. Anyone who hadn't jumped off a bridge would certainly not be contemplating sexual reproduction anytime soon.

The Underpants Monster on Monkey Filter.com




Oh Yes! If JaB ever breaks up with me via email i'm sooo translating that shit and sending it here.

hit the jag spot




oh, and speaking of things that bring me joy, please read.

Royal Canadian Haiku Factory




If you ever realize, 6 cans of coke and 4 hours of Laguna Beach later, that what would REALLY make you feel better is to sit and delight in the fact that there are people stupider/with even poorer choice making abilities than you, stop by there...

ding ding ding

3 Comments:

Anonymous Dick Cheney's Shotgun of Advice said...

I may only be a shotgun, but I can recognize quality when I see it. This site proudly serves as an ambassador between all you chumps, and...er, well... closure.

Now hold still so I can shoot you.

9:57 PM, June 30, 2006  
Blogger e-closure.com said...

if you truly are Dick Cheney's Shotgun of Advice, i don't think we'll have to hold very still at all to be hit. you've got buckshot on your side.

but seriously, thanks for the kind words. and let it be known that your hilarious commentary makes exploiting the heartbroken truly worthwhile.

-charles.

3:14 AM, July 01, 2006  
Anonymous dick cheney's shotgun of advice said...

I tried attacking Al'Queda and ended up hitting Iraq instead. As you can see, my aim ain't so great.

Nevertheless, if you are a retired judge or your country begins with the letters "IRA"... beware!!! (And if my eyesight gets worse, Ireland beware too.)

1:49 PM, July 02, 2006  

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