Sunday, March 15, 2009


INFO: High school relationship, my first love. He was one year older and so was in college out of state for the last 6 months of the relationship, while I was still in high school. It was ages ago and I'm over the relationship. But even now, the letter itself still stings (particularly the part about destroying his soul).

The letters are attached above. The first is the break-up letter (actually about a month and a half after the break-up) It was written in response to a (probably pathetic) letter from me asking where things went wrong. The second letter was received during the relationship and is included for contrast.

I don't know how easy they are to read, so I'll re-type:


Dear Estelle,
You're right, this letter is hard to write. I received your letter about two weeks ago and it really couldn't have come at a worse time.
[Discussion of classes and exams].

I guess the best way to respond to your letter is to answer all the questions you asked making this kind of an essay test in a way.

I realized the Saturday before we left that we had let things go to far. I started to get very angry at myself because I wish I had seen this earlier, I feel I went through the past year and a half with my eyes closed, after we broke up on Wednesday, I opened them up, I saw things that James, Mark and lots of other people had been screaming to me the whole time but I chose to ignore. Being with you changed me, it took away parts of me I liked, when I got back up here, I spent the first month trying to regain those parts of my soul that I felt were destroyed when I went out with you.

Now I finally feel like Im me again, for the first time in over 2 years and feel comfortable with who I am, I know who I am. You ask me if I still love you, I don't, I'm sorry to have to say that but it would be worse for me to give you hope where there is none. you ask if I'd want to try again, the answer is no. You wanted to know if there is anyone else, there is, last week I started going out with a girl in my building I've known since last semester, she's from Massachusetts, I'll spare you all the details.

I really don't want to seem cold and heartless but the best thing I can tell you to do right now is to accept that it is all over between us and please try to go on with your life.



Letter 2-- written about 4 months earlier

Dear Estelle

I love you, I love you, I love you. Anyway, how are you? I've been better (naturally if I'm not with you, I've been better). Things are going pretty well. It's about 3:30 am sat morning now. I've spent tonight studying chem and writing the latest newsletter. ....

[More on classes, exams] I wish this was setting up another me-coming-home surprise but its not, anyway I shouldn't get depressed as we'll have Thanksgiving together. [more on the thanksgiving schedule]

By the way, it's pretty much October 27 now. Happy Anniversary, did I mention I love you. 1 1/3 years.

It's approaching 4am so Im going to turn in now. Hopefully I'll mail this tomorrow. I love you very, very much and I miss you.

Love always,


Post a Comment

<< Home