CASE #100: FRANNY + ZOOEY

SUBMITTED BY: Franny
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: 4+ months not sure who's actually doing the breaking up...
INFO:keep up, there's a lot of back and forth, we were really annoying about nipping it in the bud...Zooey (dude) is a physicist and I am an architecture student. he basically had no time, ever, but would always make and cancel plans.
p.s. i'm Franny, can you tell?

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FROM: Franny
TO: Zooey

Zooey,
Tonight, you have sold me for a basketball game. This insane cyclical promise ring of making it up to me is over. Were you not such an emotional Cretan, you would have snuck in to my apartment and made a surprise dinner, wrote a sweet note or done anything to show interest in me above sitting next to me or explaining multiple world theory. By now, if you had given a shit, you would have come over, past your bedtime (– reckless abandon!) and seduced yourself back into my arms. But you are watching basketball; I suspect you don't even like the teams playing.

All my impulses down to my fingernails tell me to never talk to you again. You will hurt me, and the longer i know you, the worse it will be.

This is a note better written now than in ten years when there's a house or a kid and you haven't looked at me in months since you've been having the affair with your secretary. I was falling in love with you, but you've tossed me around to the point where I don't even like you anymore.

The excitement of meeting you facilitated my overlooking your shortcomings. Some traits were endearing, but they are generally becoming unbearable and hurtful. I have turned myself into a whiny henpecker, begging, begging to be important to you. Above all else, you are not stupid; you must know how to court a woman. And how to show affection. So the only conclusion I can come to is that you are choosing not to.

I am dating a ghost.

I don't ask for much, but you give almost nothing, taking me to the store is sweet, but I can take a cab. You give your time; it is not enough for your body to grace me with its presence occasionally. We don't do anything ever besides sit and watch the news. And we have been to the dog park three times. I'm not counting, this is just not enough. I'm not interested in presenting a case against you. Writing this is solely for cathartic purpose.

I know the prose of this is surely not up to par.

You lumber around as if you are rehearsing a role playing lurch, there's always a mysterious goopy white substance in the corners of your mouth, your ridiculously casual outfits are always littered with crumbs and miscellaneous fuzz.
Our conversations are like reading encyclopedias, you show little to no emotion aside from anger or anti-emotion, apathy.

You are a six foot two child.
You stomp around, unwavering, demanding everything on your terms.

I want to feel loved. Cliché and simple. I want to be a priority, not an aside. I want to be with someone who is excited by me. You are excited by the up and down bounce of financial graphs and charts. If I felt a fraction of that enthusiasm were directed my way, it would never have occurred to me to write any of this.

I know this email isn't fair, I wish I could say all of this in person. I guess it's too overwhelming to try to put things the way I want to put them. At any rate, you, more than anyone else should be sympathetic for putting things into writing. I mean, I could go on and on about how much I adore you. When we were initially getting to know each other, it was completely fucking hot. You are amazing sexually, a brilliant cook and frankly a teacher. I have learned so much in, what, three months of our conversations. It's hard for me to let go of our potential. But I think you have. I don't blame you anymore, of course, initially, I was furious. But I'm not upset any longer; I don't want to convince anyone of anything. I've never felt the raw enthusiasm like not being able to go to the store without sex, but even if that were still the case, even that wouldn't be enough. On one hand, I feel entirely silly writing this. It's like sending my regrets for a party that's already been canceled. But I also want to be clear with you and in no way want to be deceptive or dishonest.

It is confusing for me to have you come over one day and tell me that you want to try to work through issues and make more of a commitment and then text a break-up the next morning followed by a recanting. The last month or so has been schizophrenic emotionally, to put it politely. I also don't want to be melodramatic or selfish when I know you're dealing with other more important things that are emotionally draining. I question whether this is even necessary, since essentially, you have broken up with me.

I'm going to see someone else. It could just be one silly date, but I felt like it would be, in a way, lying for me not to tell you. I would say that we are back to being friends, but we never had a friendship. I think we could. I don't support your theory that you are the world's best ex, but if you want to try, I'm willing. I still have strong feelings toward you, which makes it close to impossible, but
like you, imagining me not being in your life saddens me. Of course vise versa.
If you want to talk about any of this, I'm open, I just wanted to vomit it out, hopefully with minimal omission. You have become important to me and if you ever need support emotionally, I will give as much as I can.
xo Franny

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FROM: Zooey
TO: Franny

Hey,

I just got back from NY.... I understand why you need to try and at least go on a date with someone, and I'm glad you told me. I care about you very much, and most definitely want to continue to try to keep you in my life as a friend. I have a lot more to say and will write more later, but I need to run and tutor for a few hours. I'm not blowing your message off. I'll talk to you soon.

zooey

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FROM: Franny
TO: Zooey

hey,

i'll finally have some time today to put my thoughts together. I am not ignoring you, in fact you're on my mind quite a bit, I've just been working frantically the past few days. would you be interested in hanging out some time this coming weekend?

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FROM: Franny
TO: Zooey

zooey,

I know I asked you to take me tomorrow, and I do need help, but I don't think its a good idea. You haven't done anything to show me that your feelings can be articulated. Maybe you've been thinking a lot, but I'm in the dark on that. We've focused so much on you and your emotions that I feel forgotten. I'm sad and barely keeping my shit together. Like we talked about last night, i'm scared of being with someone who doesn't know me.

I know I said I would try to be your friend, but you need to explicitly let me know what you're up to. Do you want to have the same relationship that you and Christine have? Are you looking for me to be your buddy? Or are you talking about us in therapy in hopes of going back to having a romantic relationship? I can't get off of the phone with you without being on the verge of tears. It is urgent for you to get it together and put in an effort. Or not. You're able to do it in every other aspect of your life. Clearly I don't understand, but i'm exhausted of trying to. At least I try.

Of course I have a sense of humor and of couse I care about you, but I am also the one who ends up alone in my apartment. I keep trying with you because i'm delusional. I am making this retardedly easy for you in any sense. If you want to be dating again, if you want to never speak again... I have pretty much given you complete control.

There are a million moments you could have come over with flowers and kisses but you can't. Seriously, you make yourself busy so you don't have to deal with me, you can make time if you want.

I feel like a cliche broken record.
franny

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FROM: Zooey
TO: Franny

Franny,
I guess I was mistaken about the subtext of our phone conversation the other day. The impression I got when you used phrases like "it wouldn't matter anymore" what I did, coupled with the comment about having gone on a date with someone else, was that you were kind of seeing that other person; and while you were kind of wishing me the best in working out my issues, were also kind of hinting that as far
as you were concerned, the relationship ship had sailed (sort of pun intended).

If you're asking me if I want a romantic relationship right now, the answer would have to be no. I do want to be your friend, however, but don't see it as the same sort of thing as Christina and myself. I mean, I was never involved with her, and so there's really no emotional attachment; which I do have with you, whether it seems that way or not.

Have I been making myself so busy that I don't have to face any of my emotions and deal with us? I guess so. I didn't think of that way, but it certainly does feel like that. Part of it was just my desire to do something, anything, to feel useful to myself. I'm sure subconsciously part of that drive is to avoid dealing with things...

Anyway, I had no idea you were just barely holding your shit together. It felt like you were kind of saying that we could hang out if we wanted, although you had fundamentally moved on and that was it. Am I way off the mark here?

zooey

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FROM: Zooey
TO: Franny

Zooey,

I'm having an impossible time not thinking about you. I miss being close to you, for whatever reason, we don't fit right now, but I want to express to you that it means a great deal to me that you were interested in working on us in counseling. I don't think I told you that.

I want to be important to you and being around anyone else only confirms this. Unrequitement and rejection are unbearably hurtful, but as is the idea of trying to forget you, or only understand you in a platonic realm. I have little to no intention to writing you other than to underscore my perhaps delusional desire to fix the dissonance. You know I adore you. I know this can't be fast forwarded or super glued, and I clearly can't wait indefinitely, but that's not my point.

My point is I miss you, without any motive of response.
franny

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FROM: Zooey
TO: Franny

franny,
I miss being able to feel close to you, too, and I promise I'm doing my best to work through these problems I'm having. Hanging out with you yesterday was a lot of fun, and certainly reminded me of how much I miss your company. All I can say is that I'm doing the best I can, and that I'll offer what I can, and my genuine hope is that it will be more and more as time goes on. I wish I could give you some concrete
timeline, because I know that I'm putting you through emotional hell, and I am very sorry for that. I know you're sick of hearing "sorry," but it's the best I can do right now. But I really am working on it.

I'm sorry to hear you were stuck in studio all day. As for my head, it's groaning under the weight of far too many cheap beers drunk at the game. And by the way, Pawtucket won. Go home team or squadron or whatever!
zooey

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FROM: Franny
TO: Zooey

zooey -
i knew you wouldn't call and you can't answer my im. i'm done, no discussion necessary. I am less important to you than anything and i absolutely can't deal anymore.
franny

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FROM: Zooey
TO: Franny

franny
what the hell are you talking about? i'm not even home yet
zooey

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FROM: Franny
TO: Zooey

zooey,

well, who cares, my point's the same. you could have made any tiny effort in the last few months and this is just the back breaking straw. each time this happens, it's like poison. you find time for everything and anything else.
i'm a crazy person to think that you'd ever re-show affection. i can't take it and i'm done. i didn't know how many times being canceled on it would take, but i've got your hint.