CASE # 31: JOHN + MARGARET
SUBMITTED BY: JOHN
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: 2 years together. Broke up in September 2004, but failed attempts by the girl led to this letter, written December 22, 2005
INFO:We met at a debate tournament 3 years ago, and we dated from 12/14/2002 to 09/29/2004. We went to different schools, but they were close to each other. The relationship was pretty serious and we loved each other at one point. The relationship went fine, no problems. She cheated with the My best friend, and has never recovered fully. I'm doing alright, but the girl is stuck in between "liking/loving and hating" him.
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DATE: December 23rd, 2005
FROM: JOHN
TO: MARGARET
SUBJECT:
Good evening,
I know this is a very peculiar time to be emailing someone at 1230 at night, but this is something that has called to my attention. Kinda think of it, you've been dead silent to me ever since the last tournament, and I have came to the conclusion that you're still thinking about the entire situation between us, and that you still have yet to fully recover (psychologically) from this ordeal.
Yes, its weird to come to that conclusion, but at the same time, I'm writing this message at the level that I need to address this before I can move on with my life for good. I believe that while you are still "stuck" in the past, that I am too. That's normal, so don't worry. However, I feel that in order for the both of us to move on successfully, with you and your boyfriend, and with me and my career, we seriously need to move on with our separate lives.
You're a sweet girl. You mean well, and you will do great things in life. You do not need to be dealing with the past, where it'll personally destroy your mind. I feel that if you stop talking to me, it will at least start that process of your personal healing. We both know that there is nothing that can happen between us (relationship-wise) because I'm still upset and hurt because of the events 18 months ago. Nothing we can do to change that. And everytime we talk in a business-esque manner, it always leads to someone shocked, educated, and maybe crying. We do not need any drama in our lives. I most certainly do not need the past to keep haunting me and for it to destroy your happiness. Being stuck in hating people destroys the inner good of all of us, and it completely destroys the love for our new loves, as well as impedes current happiness.
I broke up with you for two reasons: the first is that you did cheat on me, whether you realize it or not. the meetings with Rick, the situation between you and him, and most importantly, ignoring the warnings between me and my friends....if that wasn't warning enough, then I don't know what was. The second reason was because of the fateful night, we had caught you redhanded and you lied to me. The cheating I can tolerate to a point, but where the lies come in, then I cannot accept a relationship at that point. And by looking in the past, part of me will say that I may have regretted breaking up with you. At the same time, most of me said that
"Sometimes you are to give up some things, for the better of your morals and happiness, in order to do what's right. In order for one to be moralistic and ethical, sometimes they must give up the things that make them happiest"
That way I see it as this: You were the first girl that I ever truely loved from the start, and I won't forever forget that. What happened in the past is what happened in the past. We're not together anymore. Never will at this point either. And we cannot be together in the future. I've moved on, you should too. You have a boyfriend. You should be happy with him. I have me, the single life (again), and my career and my education, as well as my friends here at NIU and Chicago to be happy with. I'll find my love of my life in due time. And I have done ever so well with the progress I have made since then. I am much stronger, faster, and
We all need to move on, and I will make it a hell of alot easier for you to at least move on with your life.
In that saying, if there are no more replies to this, consider this the last correspondence to you...ever.
I wish you the best of love, life, and everything in between...and I forgot...Merry Christmas!
Sincerely,
John
7 Comments:
How self-centered is this guy? Passive-agressive, too.
From somebody that's been in this situation before (or close to):
He's not being self-centered... he's taking his life back.
Bravo to him. You go get that
closure!
I feel sorry for her current boyfriend. Sounds like she may have been trying to get John back at one point.
If he didn't get a reply are you sure the message reached her? Maybe he typed in the wrong email address??
my reply as a woman to man sounding that self-centered and condescending would have been "i have been dead silent to you because #1 we are broken up so what need do i have to speak to you? and #2 i have been too busy with my new boyfriend to give a thought to you. apparently YOU are the only one living in the past and needing to get over things. he and i would appreciate it if you stop thinking about me and our pervious relationship, it creeps us both out. i suggest you take your own advice and move on. after all, who is emailing who here?"
in reply to the last anonymous comment, he said up in the background info that she tried to contact him and THEN he wrote this letter to her... SOOO... it was her who initiated the contact.
Learn to read, please
"LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: 2 years together. Broke up in September 2004, but failed attempts by the girl led to this letter, written December 22, 2005" This does not say that she tried to contact him. It may imply that but as a reader, you cannot be sure.
Read the first paragraph, specifically the second sentence, and you will know what the person above you was talking about. Here, i will even copy/paste it for you here. I have to agree with the person just above you. John has not (at the point of writing this letter) fully gotten over what margaret has done to him, although he is definately trying. I don't blame him though, cheating is a horrible thing to do. If you are going to cheat, or even have the thought of cheating, leave your guy/gal first before you truly break their hearts. You can get over someone not being happy in the relationship, its tough, but possible. But cheating? that takes a lot longer to get over.
'I know this is a very peculiar time to be emailing someone at 1230 at night, but this is something that has called to my attention. Kinda think of it, you've been dead silent to me ever since the last tournament, and I have came to the conclusion that you're still thinking about the entire situation between us, and that you still have yet to fully recover (psychologically) from this ordeal.
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