Thursday, March 09, 2006


INFO:This was my attempt at closure to a 5 month friends with benefits situation between myself (25, female), and a guy (21, male). As those types of arrangements tend to do, this one kept migrating into something more, at least based on the amount of time we spent together, and the things we did (vacations, meeting family, etc). He moved at the end of last year, but made the 12 hour trip to visit in January. Last weekend I went to see him for a mutually much-anticipated long weekend. Somehow, it was all wrong from the get-go. I still have no idea what happened, but it was so bad I took off Saturday morning and slept in the airport until I could get an early flight the next day. As you can see from below, I am not sure whose fault this was yet. We text messaged for the first time since this morning, long enough for him to say he was ok with everything. I sent this later in the day. He never acknowledged getting it, but then text messaged again tonight, just making casual "here was my day" conversation like we used to do every day. So now I think I'm even more confused, and still don't know who was the jerk.


DATE: March 2nd, 2006
SUBJECT:This is the email that's going to come back and bite me in the ass.

But at this point I don't really care. You are cool with everything, and that's good. I, on the other hand, have felt like shit for a while now. I'm hoping that getting a few things off my chest will make me feel better, even though everybody knows you're never, ever supposed to write shit like this down. So you can read it, or not. But if you do read it, be sure to read it all the way through.

When I left down there, I was so mad, pissed off, upset and hurt that I had an easy time convincing myself you were a total jackass. I pretty much decided that you had never really been my friend, and were so totally cruel that you enjoyed making me feel bad, and probably laughed about it with all your friends. I figured I had just been some stupid chick you knew in ATL, and when I wasn't convenient anymore you just wanted to run me off. When I was lost, alone and scared in downtown Houston in the middle of the night, it wasn't hard to imagine that you could care less about me.

Once I got home, I stayed pretty upset for a while. I kinda felt like I'd been run through an emotional wood chipper. BUT, after a bit I did start to think about stuff. It was hard to keep making you a soul-less bastard when I remembered how much fun we've had, and the stuff we've done. And, I started to think about how I might have acted. I know that sometimes I have a little too much stubborn pride, and I know when my feelings get hurt I act like a jackass to pretend like it doesn't bother me. I can't say for sure but I think I might have acted like that when I felt like you didn't want me, or even want me around. I know that I was already a messed-up jumble of emotions from everything that's happened lately, and I am afraid I might have really fucked up and taken it out on you. You've always reminded me of Joe in some ways (many of them good), and maybe I over-reacted because of that. It's not an excuse, just a theory.

So, I'm honestly not sure which it is. It's hard for me to reconcile what I know about you as a person with the whole image I tried to hold of you as a mean bastard. If I was being a super-bitch, and totally confusing the issue and taking things out on you, I feel like shit. Actually, I feel like shit either way, because I'm pretty picky about my good buddies, and loyal to the end to them. So either I made a mistake when I thought you were one of the few people I really consider a true friend, or I made a HUGE mistake when I treated you badly.

If you do read this, and you are a heartless jerk, it doesn't matter, and you can go laugh about it with your buddies. If it's the other, and I flipped out, then I am really, really sorry. I wish I could undo all of it, regardless. Take care kiddo.


DATE: March 2nd, 2006
SUBJECT:Re:This is the email that's going to come back and bite me in the ass.

Wow Althea just keep kicking me in the balls will you, if I was a fucking heartless bastard why would I have spent all my time either with you,helping you around the house or at the shop or work in Atlanta, there was obiviously no other chicks. Stick around and meet your friends and family. Take you to baseball games, KY or NC. Why would I take leave to come see you drive fucking 635 miles, spend my vacation with you. Invite you up here to stay the weekend. Wow how could you even say that to me. You know the only reason why I say we prob cant hang out no more is prob cause all your friends and family think Im a fucking asshole, they think I kicked you out into the streets of Houston and just left which is not the case at all I told you I would not kick you out of the house and that it was up to you. They prob think Im scum right now.

I thouyght I was a good friend too but for to come right out and ask if Im fucking Tanja or want you to fuck her that was a kick to my fucking balls. Wow I just dont know you did a fucking 180 on me, why the so much doubt, like I told you before I hate drama so if this is it I need my shit, ny shadetree shirt, tools and flight bag and whatever else if dont want to mail it give it to amanda and ket her take it to Ky Ill make it up there one year to get it. If this is how its going to be Id rather not be around, like I said Im already expecting to get slapped or something by amanda or somebody cause they think Im an ass prob, so theres a couple tree events Ill prob be missing just to avoid conflict among my own fucking friends cause I dont want no drama cause of me.


DATE: March 3nd, 2006
SUBJECT:Re:This is the email that's going to come back and bite me in the ass.

Did you read the whole thing? I APOLOGIZED. I said I'm sorry. I told you all that other stuff to explain how upset I WAS, BUT AM NOT ANYMORE because I realized I treated YOU badly. I HATE being wrong, and I hate knowing I screwed up. You missed the whole point. I KNOW you aren't all those things and that's what I said. It is not easy for me to say I'm sorry, but I am and you deserve better. I am trying to freakin apologize and make it up to you.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay ladies and gents, here is a clear example of a man who wants to screw and a woman who wants more.

I think the woman is sweet in this story, but misguided. She had feelings! He didn't. Looks like when things got heavy he just wanted an excuse to end things.

She shouldn't have apologized! She should have sent him his crap in a bag. I love it when men make the excuse "look how much you hurt me, i'm not that cruel." Then the man feels better because he gets hurt and "allowed" to end things without feeling like a jerk.

Truth is though, he's a jerk. Move on!

4:57 PM, March 10, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


If he was a good guy and a good friend, he's want to talk about it, instead of just texting you like nothing happened.

7:08 PM, March 11, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the book of "Gay Haiku":

You were perfection
Then you misspelled "embarrassed"
Don't call me again.

7:58 AM, March 13, 2006  
Anonymous dick cheney's shotgun of advice said...

See pictures of kittens makes me want to punch things. Oops... this isn't Postsecret...

1:09 AM, April 05, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home