Tuesday, September 11, 2007


INFO: This is the story of HandsomeGuy (HG) and and Wallflower (W) which in the end turned into that of PyschoEx and GirlNoX.

HG and W got to know each other after a rare dark event when on the way back home he fell asleep on her shoulder and she for the first time in her life caressed the head of a guy.

He soon told her that he had fallen in love with her that day, but she refused to listen because she knew, he already had a girlfriend. But there were problems with this girlfriend. She controlled his whole life and he complained about it. But since this relationship was planned for eternity by this girls family, he stayed...at least he said that.

Everything in this is her point of view of the events and since it turned out that bad, she isn't sure if she is right, but then she couldnt tell her story at all because of the insecurities.

One day, he went to visit her and their shared best friend and so it came that at seven in the morning (did I mention W was a geek as well as he and all their friends were?) he stood at her dorm door with a giant bunch of red roses. No need to mention that W was totally overwhelmed. Their friend went to sleep and the two went to have breakfast in the city. This is where he told her that he had left his GF for good. She took his hand over a cup of cocoa and after that moment the memory of that day is blurred and not for public knowledge.

After 3 Days he left to go home again, and they held close contact via phone and Internet while they were apart. He returned some times and he assisted her in solving some of her gravest problems. The both were totally in love and everyone around them could feel it.

Then with the turn of the millennium, her life was turned upside down.

She went to visit him for the second time and they were to spend New Years Eve together. But on the first evening he told her, his family expected him to spend this evening with them and so W went along with spending that evening with good friend but without her lover. He hugged and kissed her goodbye and tried to hide his tears, but she saw them and it made her stomach crumple.

The NYE wasn't bad but it wasn't good either and after she hadn't seen him on the first day she was to go home at the second day and when she awoke, she couldn't breathe because she had a horrible feeling in her bones. She didn't want to leave without saying goodbye (or untangling her stomach) and so her friends and her went to search for him. He wasn't at his parents and they hadn't seen him for some months so they went to his (ex)gf's house. W's best friend went to ring the bell and W stood in the car. She couldn't move, she just wanted to die from the pain. But then her best friend returned and with him HG. W doesn't remember much of that event, only that his gf was standing there and watching him like a jealous hawk as he hugged W and told her how sorry he was and so on.

How W returned home, she doesn't know. But she drove safely to her doorstep before she broke down. She didn't eat or drink for days. She sat immobile in her room and cried her eyes out. Her best friend soon returned and comforted her but he could just give her little ease of her pain. So she went to school, played happy but as soon as she returned home she lay on her bed and cried. It is no longer known how long it took until she stopped crying at least for some time.

But then HG made his plans from before the breakup true and moved to her dorm. Now she had a little comfort because he was near, because she loved him still too much. But he suddenly broke down, telling her how bad a man he was, how he had hurt her and also that he loved her still. Hearing this she thought, that he would come back but he never intended to. He told her that he felt too bad and that he would hurt everybody who loved him so he retreated into his own space but he started playing with her feelings. She felt bad because maybe she had overreacted, not being used to having a relationship. She tried to convince him that he wasn't that bad and that they both could be happy together still, since he had left his gf again and maybe now forever.

With the months they got closer again. They could be together in one room with others. But he played with her. He sat close to her in the computer lab, his hand just an inch from her arm, he streaked her back by coincidence and she fought the heat that was coming from his eyes when he looked at her believing to be unwatched. One day it was too much to bear for her and so she spoke with him, telling him to let it be and never touch her again in any way. He seemed surprised that she saw it like that but he gave in.

W's problem was that being a bookworm she believed in romance, ineternal and sometimes difficult love. She was naive and she has changed, but about this later.

W got to know a nice guy and moved with him to a far away city. The three were friends somehow and her bf accepted her feelings for HG. They were a happy couple but one day, HG came into their live again. Time had passed and W had banned her feeling for HG so deep into her unconsciousness that she believed they could be real friends. And she loved her bf, just in a totally different way. HG had moved into the city the two were living in. He was in love with a girl. The girl was nice but then she broke up with him and then after that HG found another girl here called GFX. GFX and HG were not so close as W and her bf expected them to be. They didn't seem to be intimate.

And then HG started playing with his favorite victim W again. At first,his hugs became more intense and he gave her hints via sms and he started looking at her with his tormented beautiful eyes when he believed to be unwatched. Soon W felt the energy again and she began to have dreams. The dreams were about HG turning away or not answering. They haunted her and she knew damn well, that the love she had for her bf was not the love that would fulfill her in her life. And HG toyed with her. One day the three were watching a DVD and her bf went to bed,leaving the two alone at night in the dark living room. W had a comfortable place lying at the couch and HG was sitting in an armchair.When W stretched and leaned her head over the armrest she met HG's gaze which showed the expression of pure lust. She pretended to not having noticed that and after the film was over she bid him good night. But she was so confused. She couldn't even tell if the light was on or off.

Sometime later she decided to break up with her current bf. They didn't match. They had tried very long but either of them had to lose if they stayed together. So when she told this to HG they got involved into a very intense chat about their feelings and their longings for eachother. He told her that he wanted to stay single for awhile because he had an egoism streak. Well she settled for that and they had a great time together. Grown ups having a wild love affair... until she found out from GFX that they were still together.

GFX and W talked with each other for hours, getting to know a lot about him. The first time in her life W started to doubt HG's sincerity. GFX had intended to break up with him after that phone call, but she never managed to. He convinced her that W was just a crazy girl who told stories.

W didn't want to have anything to do with this circus and she terminated every contact to either of the two.

At this point, the story could have ended peacefully but it wasn't to be like that.

Around Christmas M began to doubt her decision, while dreams haunted her and she thought maybe she had been too mean to him. So she started talking to him again and she wanted make to him happy so she invited him to dinner (which she had promised before the ugly events) at New Years Eve. As he tried to welcome her with a hug, she stiffened and the whole dinner she stood distant but friendly. Inside, she fought fiercely against the wish to touch, to feel him and she was losing. She has never had a strong will against her real will. So she gave in and they spent New Years Eve and the night together.

After that their contact became occasional. They only met as three or more: W and HG and W's ex-bf who now was her best friend. One spring afternoon W needed technical help that only HG could give her and so she visited him and he fixed it. At this day, she was determined to leave after that and not to give in again. She underestimated HG and his will to break her's. He invited her to stay for dinner and they both ate. And he slowly seduced her. He always stood behind her close, letting her feel the warmth of his body. He stood behind her and played with her necklace. He played her favorite music, baiting her to take a closer look and then she was trapped. He blocked the way back and she couldn't get out without getting real close to him. So she tried to squeeze her back to his front but he embraced her from behind and started kissing her very tenderly. And she gave in ...again. She didn't want to resist even that she knew she had to if she didn't want to get entangled in a neverending story of depression and lust.

The both never saw each other again. He went on vacation for 6 weeks told her about it afterwards and then she went on her vacation, where she received this mail:(it was addressed to W and to a to an unknown female in CC.)


consider this as a confession.
I have to put some things straight that I lied about earlier.
I am together with a woman whom I adore and whom I too often and too long have shamefully cheated on.
I wasn't sure about this relationship for a long time and had let myself carry away to commit the dumbest of failures that I can imagine.
But now she is here with me and I AM sure about my feelings. I spent my vacation with her and not where you all believed me to be. And I want her to stay with me.
I have put everything into jeopardy with my foolishness And I'm trying to eliminate it now. I will abandon every contact to you. This mail will be my last communication to you.
I do that because I want to have a future with ForeignGirl, a family and kids.

I have risked everything by lying. Lying of fear to commit myself to my dumbness.
I hope to save it with this letter.

The remaining story can be told in short:W's vacation was destroyed. Her almost summer love was shown a cold shoulder and when she returned home she had to experience that GFX had also received such a letter, just a little uglier.

W tried to get answers that she could accept . She wanted to know if it all had been a game for him, but she never found out. The ForeignGirl acted like a Cerberus, blocking every mail, phone, whatever. She mailed W how she made him suffer in compensation and threatened both ex-gfs. GFX soon gave up, W did later, after parts of her life were threatened.

It was living hell for her and her supportive close friends but finally she made it. She realized that he is a guy who always lies and constructs his reality to fit to the target person. He is never honest,not even in the tiniest and most unimportant things. This she found out when comparing many memories about him with her own. Some would call him a psychopath, and W goes with that.

Some time later, ForeignGirl wrote her, saying that he had broken her too, that she left him and returned home but that she ceasedto be her old joyful self

So three and maybe some more girls who all would have trusted their lives on him, and how many are to come still? It is not W's task to think about it, nor is she responsible for his actions. This is the most important thing she has learned from that story. W knows, he had hoped with ForeignGirl he could start anew in another country and leave the mess behind. One day in a chat she told him that but he refused to listen.

The best of that story is that he has lost again, and maybe he will always lose from now on because his lies will weigh much heavier than he can carry.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


You seem adorable. Coffee?


7:39 PM, September 13, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

adorable? What made you draw this conclusion?


3:42 PM, September 15, 2007  
Blogger Reverend Steve said...

Best part: The ForeignGirl acted like a Cerberus, blocking every mail, phone, whatever.

Cerberus. lol!

5:49 PM, September 16, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this was painfully annoying.

8:49 PM, March 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is like reading a foreign film. It had the strange taint of odd translation.

2:56 AM, June 02, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not odd translation. Think wallflower just has a pretty extensive vocabulary. If you read this by the way wallflower, you sound cute.


9:33 PM, July 08, 2008  
Anonymous jason said...

well i've just been though the same exact thing. wait till you hear my story... my e-mail jasonmiller6856@yahoo.com! contact me.

3:10 AM, May 03, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoyed that. It felt both, genuine and charming. Certainly if your personality is much like your style of writing I think you would be nice to know – if not date. I was driven to hell and back a couple of years ago by a sociopath. It was a hard life lesson that I wish I could forget, but hope I never do.

10:33 PM, September 11, 2009  

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