Friday, February 03, 2006


INFO:I am writing this to simply remind myself why it is a bad idea to sleep with married women. Hopefully, this will dissuade you as well. I don't believe in morality, so there will be no tub-thumping there. Rather, it is simply a matter of practicality, and of course, karma. Read on...


The year was 1999. I was working as a delivery driver for a large, corporate pizza chain in an odd little "industrial suburb" in the Midwest United States. Our little shop was failing, as our customer service was horrid. We liked it that way... the less pizza deliveries meant more time for us to play cards and smoke cigarettes in the back. However, the corporate overlords were not happy, and so they fired our manager and brought in "the bitch" to clean house. We shall use the name Demi when referring to "the bitch." It was a moniker she had donned herself and was quite proud of.

Demi was a woman who was legendary for two things. For one, she was sent to under-performing stores to fire the staff, hire and train a new staff, and make the store not only profitable, but warm and fuzzy when it comes to the cloning effect that corporations always get a chubby over. The other thing she was known for was the torrid affairs that she seemed to strategically have as she slept her way up the corporate ladder. All of this while having a husband and children at home.

There is one thing I forgot to tell you about Demi: she was really hot, especially considering her age (I was in my 20's and she was in her 30's) and the amount of babies that had exited her vagina. And while I was supposed to be the first employee getting the axe, a strange thing occurred one night while we were both accidentally locked in the back room together... I realized that she was attracted to me! It was only a matter of weeks before we finally had drunken intercourse.

For a while, this was the relationship that every man dreams about: she was hot, she was my boss, she was horny as hell, but because she was married, she actually left every night in time for me to drink beer with my guy friends. Also, she said the most amazing things I have ever heard come from a woman's mouth. Example: how many guys at work would love to eff "the bitch" in the can? (She said this while I bee-effed her, if you catch my drift.)

Things took an abrupt turn for the worst the day I arrived at work, and my co-workers were in a tizzy over the fact that Demi had left her husband. They were all plotting on ways to sack her, and making bets on which one of them would sack her first. I placed bets with them all, and I made a killing when she came forward with the notion that I was her "boy-toy." It was not long before "boy-toy" became "boyfriend."

I really enjoyed the sex, and she seemed to be a very sweet woman, despite the fact that she often talked about herself as "the bitch." What I didn't enjoy was all the rumours that I heard about her violent soon-to-be ex-husband, and his brother who allegedly was a third degree black belt and champion marksman. Still, I really liked Demi, and had fooled myself into thinking that she was forced to cheat on her no-good, soon-to-be ex-husband to find any love whatsoever.

I was soon promoted at work. Most of my co-workers believed that I was promoted for the very same reason she was initially promoted: an opening at another store would mean our company would separate us, as well as dodge the "sexual harassment" bullet when we finally broke up. And break up we eventually did.

She married her old boss a mere two months after we broke up. I later learned that she never stopped having her secret affair with the man. I also learned that her new husband was really intimidated by her old husband and his psychotic brother. I also found out that it was her idea, and not the company's, to have me promoted to another store, far from the one that she worked at, but only after her divorce was finalized. To summarize, I was the decoy, so she could get away from her husband and maintain the health and safety of the man she truly loved: her old boss.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great story. How often do you get to eff the decoy in the can?

1:17 AM, March 17, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home