Thursday, January 25, 2007

CASE #70: Joey + Me

INFO: Joey - male, 31 years old and Jessica - female, 27 years old.


I wrote a blog post about it in my myspace two weeks or so after it ended - the blog post details most of the relationship implosion, so I'm going to paste it here, and then he sent me an email after he'd read my blog post, which I'll copy after the blog post, and then he had his girlfriend talk to me through Yahoo instant messenger, so I'll paste THAT conversation after the email. Then it'll be my response to his email, and his response to mine, and my final email to him. (Whew, take a breath.) It's long as hell. And to clear up any confusion, I've bolded the explanation for each communication above it.

This is the blog I posted on myspace.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

I got played. Or, 'the truth about hot carmel'

Back in July, I was so fortunate to meet the most wonderful guy. His name was Joey.

We started dating and I felt, really, like the luckiest girl in the universe. He was attentive, he sent me text messages when he was at work, just to say he missed me. He'd call just to say hi, tell me he was thinking of me. That sort of thing. You know, like how you want a guy to be? It was great. Honestly, I couldn't believe my luck. It was like God had opened up the heavens and smiled down on me and thought I was deserving of this wonderful, wonderful man.

So we dated and dated. I took him to a Bears game, he bought me a pink RAZR. (Unfortunately I'm still using it.) We spent plenty of time together and laughed and just, well, enjoyed ourselves. We had fun. We talked. We 'clicked'.

In November, I found his myspace profile. He had himself listed as "single". So I said something like, "honey, why do you have yourself listed as 'single' on myspace?" He got mad at me - said 'single' was just a word and just couldn't believe that I'd get mad over something so silly. I hadn't really been mad about it, but was sort of curious as to why he did it. It did bother me, though, so I told him. He had asked me in August if I wanted to be exclusive or whatever, and so we were, so why this 'single' thing on myspace? I told him that it bothered me, and since he'd already talked about marrying me at that point, it seemed kind of strange to be so reluctant to change his profile to 'in a relationship.' He told me he'd made the profile before we even started dating (he made the profile October 21,) and he also told me he'd change it and we moved on.

He didn't ever change it, though. But I didn't say anything, because nobody wants to be a nag. I figured he'd just forgot to do it.

December 22, I'm cruising the internet and come across his personal ad on Yahoo! personals. I was shocked, really. Nothing up until that point had given me reason to believe he was looking for someone else. But that's what a personal ad is, right? Looking for your 'ideal mate.' So again, I try not to be a nutty girlfriend, so I just ask him about it, thinking there's a logical explanation. "What do you mean, why do I have a personal ad?" I explained to him that even if he WASN'T looking for someone else, that's what a personal ad is for, and it just looks bad and now I can't figure out why he's looking. He promises me he's not looking, I love yous are exhanged, we talk more about marriage, etc. By this time in our relationship, he'd met my whole family, my family had met his children, we were always together, and so on. He'd even asked me what kind of ring I wanted. We talked about OUR future. (And he was the first to bring up marriage, it was so soon I was kind of shocked. Well, red flag. Next time I'll pay attention.)

Christmas Eve, I was surfing around myspace and found these comments he'd left for women on his friends list.

One girl was from Kentucky, and the comments he'd left her weren't that harmful - general things about how she was so pretty, so sexy, blah blah. They hurt, but whatever. I'm not so insecure that I'd be bothered by my boyfriend telling another woman that she's pretty or sexy.

Another girl was from a town about 20 miles away and they were a little more on the skeevy side. Telling her she had beautiful eyes, was so sexy, PRICELESS! and other such bullshit.

The one that bothered me most was to this girl, her myspace name was "Tawnie" and on December 17, 2006, he'd left comments like this: "I love this pic, cause it shows off your true beauty!" Not so bad, right? There was also, "I told you, I could get lost in your eyes! A beautiful woman, looking sexy, and eyes that could tell stories! PRICELESS!!" Hm. I was. . . bothered. Really. While I'm okay with my guy telling a woman she's pretty, I'm not really okay with my guy telling a woman, "I could get lost in your eyes." Besides the dorky factor, it's just a little too intimate. But there in front of my eyes, "I TOLD YOU I COULD GET LOST IN YOUR EYES." Well. Uh. Not only has he told her that, he's told her that and now he's repeating it in a picture comment. Holy shit, I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.

So it was Christmas Eve when I found these things, like I said, and I started thinking about the dates. December 17 was a Sunday - my friend Sheena and I had gone to the mall that evening and I'd been shopping for Christmas presents for Joey's two kids. So while I was out shopping for things for his kids, he was leaving these ridiculous comments on myspace for whomever.

I didn't want to ruin my Christmas with it, so I said nothing until Christmas night. We ended up in a big fight on the phone, him telling me he loved me and wanted to marry me, me telling him if you want to marry someone, you don't SAY things like that. Him telling me these comments were JOKES and that all these women KNEW they were JOKES. Him telling me I didn't trust him and me saying, "I have no reason to!" I told him that after he'd lied about the profile thing on myspace, and then I found the personal ad, and NOW these comments, I didn't feel that I could trust him. I had trusted him up until that point, though. Eventually, he calmed me down. I spent the next night with him - December 26. I wore the pajamas he bought me for Christmas and we had awesome sex.

December 27, I stayed home. By December 28, I was uneasy again. He'd asked me to come over, and I declined, saying I wasn't comfortable with how we'd resolved things between us. I told him I wanted a day to think about things. He said that was fine, and asked me to let him know when I got home that night. I did as he asked, and he told me "goodnight honey." Sweet as ever.

The next day was a Friday, December 29. He called me three or four times that day, getting increasingly agitated that I wasn't answering him. I had written out this thing I wanted him to read, just because when you have conversations, conversations get muddled and you lose your point - forget what you wanted to say. He got pissed, and we ended up in another fight on the phone. The next few days there were phone calls and emails -

The first one he sent was like this:

We really need to talk, because i don't like this. I'm not going to beg you to be w/me, but i don't want you to dislike me either. I'm so sorry, that i hurt you in anyway, i never wanted that to happen. It bothers me, you just don't trust me, and that really hurts. I KNOW WHAT I HAVE, and i don't want to loose it. I also don't want to live, in a relationship, wherei'm afraid to do anything. We both need to do some thinking. Sleep tight and remember i'm still your teddybear! Nite cuddlebug!

I responded that I didn't want him to beg me to stay with him, but that I wouldn't be with someone I couldn't trust, and right at that point, after the issue with the "single" thing and the personal ad and the picture comments, I didn't know how I could trust him. I told him I loved him, and hoped we could work it out.

He responded once more (any time there are italics, that means it's what he wrote:)

I hope we can fix this, because i'm happy w/you. I really enjoy being w/you, but i can't be w/someone who doesn't trust me. Especially, when all my spare time is w/her. I've been compleyely honest w/you. I haven't behind your back. I devoted myself to you, and if you can't see that, i don't know what to tell you. I don't like it, when you go behind my back, and read my stuff. I hated when you thought it was ok, to go through my phone. It wasn't cool, i never did that to you. Your space is your privacy. If you wanted me to be involved, then that would be different. Until that day, i don't like what you did. it isn't for the public, especially when i made it private! Do you see what i'm saying? I love everything you've done w/me, my kids, and me. I was being serious when i said the future things, but i can't make you stay. I want you to be devoted to this, or why are we even trying. I guess we'll have to see what happens, but remember this, i did and do love you. If i didn't, i would've got w/you so quick, and i would've stayed around. think of what we've done and went through together. Hope we can fix this, if not, hope we can be friends. I don't want to loose you completely, but if i do, i'll have to deal w/it. Talk to you soon. By the way, i've got our pic up, on my site. Your head is in this one!

(The thing about the picture - you can find him on myspace as 'hot carmel' - his profile picture is from a football game I took him to in Cleveland, Browns Vs. Bears. He told me his cousin Wally had been aggravated that he didn't have a picture of himself on myspace, so Wally took the picture from my profile and cropped my head out of it. I asked him if he thought I might be annoyed at having my head cut out of a picture, and he said he'd not thought of it that way.)

I responded to his email and asked some questions of my own. He once again responded:

I don't want to hurt you in anyway. I do want to fix this, but WE do need to work on this together. Quit pointing fingers and do this together. You wanted to know, when were going to have our first fight. Well, here we are.

If you help me, i'll get it off of it. I don't even look at it. I got the wrong impression of it, i'm sorry!
(In response to my question about the personal ad)

I've always made comments to people. You can ask anyone who knows me.
Yes, it would upset me too. (I had asked if he'd be upset if I made those sorts of comments to other men.)

No, i'm not doing anything to make you break up w/me. (I had asked if he was trying to make me break up with him.)

I don't have anything to hide from you. I never have and i never will.

No, because someone isn't happy, that i'm happy w/you. All my life, people have always said things about me, that weren't true. They always put their nose in my business, and when i wasn't happy, they won. i don't know why it has been like that, but it has. How could i be doing anything, when i'm w/you. I mean come on and look at the picture. Give me the benefit of doubt. I don't want to do someone, the way i've been done. If i didn't want to see how far this would go. You would've never met my kids, my mom, and you wouldn't have a key to my apt or heart! I've treated you like a queen, to the best of my ability, and i wouldn't have it any other way. Until this occurred, i was trying to figure out, how i could make this better for us. Meaning my kids and you! I was even going, to ask your father, if i could have his permission. I was going to ask him Christmas, but he wasn't in the best mood.

So he was going to ask my father for permission to marry me on Christmas night. Right.

In the end, we made plans to talk about these things New Year's Eve. We sat and talked for a few hours, I cried, he sounded sincere, he told me he loved me, he told me he'd change these things. I had to go home New Year's Eve because I was going to leave for Cleveland the next morning. I did that, and I didn't really hear from him for a couple days. I texted him on Monday (1/1/07), he answered, I texted back, didn't hear from him. I texted him Tuesday(1/2/07), and he said he was too busy to talk to me. Wednesday(1/3/07) he texted me to ask when we could talk. I told him we could talk when he had time - since he had such a busy schedule. He asked if I worked that night and I said that I did, and he asked if we could talk after I got off work. I said maybe we could, or maybe we could talk Thursday after he bowled. (He bowls in a league on Thursdays in Gallipolis, you should go visit him.) He never answered. He didn't call back, or text, or email.

Thursday(1/4/07), I was livid. He kept talking all this talk about loving me, but couldn't seem to back it up with any action. So I took his things to his apartment, left him a note, and left his keys there. Took most of my stuff. (Except my Christmas tree, my sheets and my pillows.)

Now, here's where I'll say one thing. I shouldn't have left a note. That's no way to break up with someone - it was disrespectful and I know that and I'm sorry for it. It's no excuse, but I was tired of chasing him down and hearing one thing, but seeing another. And I didn't want him to see me hurting again - walking away from him was the hardest thing I've ever done.

So he called me that night and left a voicemail. It said something about how he hoped we could talk, he really cared about me, and he hoped we wouldn't have hard feelings about each other. I sent him a text that night saying that we could talk the following night. Because, you see, I didn't WANT to break up with him. I didn't WANT to be without him. But I didn't want to be with someone who could just go on hurting me and never doing anything about it. We emailed back and forth. Most notably, he said:

I don't know what's going on w/us. It's like we hit a wall. I'm sorry for making you hurt. You deserve better than me. I couldn't give you a good relationship. How could you want to be w/someone, like me? I don't have any money and i'm barely making on my income. I got an ex-wife, who won't leave me alone, and wants me to be unhappy. You don't deserve to be w/someone, whose got this drama, and it isn't getting any better. I can't give you what you want, a baby. I'm sorry for being dumb, by getting the surgery, and not being able give you a baby. Every woman needs to have a baby. I'm glad to have and had you in my life. You're a great woman!!

I'm really upset w/you being demanding, at times. I didn't feel i needed, to put in a relationship, on my site. The reason was, you're demanding, and some what controling. You don't know it, but you do it.

Maybe, we need a break from each other? To see if, this is what we want. I was serious when i told you all those things. I want to make sure, the next person, it's forever. To make sure, they want to be w/me. They trust me and i trust her. I can't and won't be w/someone, who doesn't trust me! It hurts that you started believing rumors. I never gave you,a reason, to not trust me! You were all i wanted and you were the only one on my mind. I couldn't wait to hear your voice, to see, and be w/you! I loved the feeling, having you next to me, and us falling asleep in each others arms. I felt needed and loved! Someone wanted to be w/me and they were happy, being w/me.

I guess, we'll talk tomorrow, and see what happens. I'm going to bed.

Nite cuddlebug,

So that Friday, after work, I texted him to say I'd be over in 20 minutes. He said not to bother, he had to help his mom's boyfriend with some stuff. I thanked him for making our relationship, or lack thereof, a priority in his life, once again. He replied that I ended it, so why was I bothered?

I came home that night and answered the last email I'd gotten from him, and nearly wrote a novel. (Much like I am here.)

Saturday(1/6/07), we spoke on the phone. He said he loved me, would we just start over? And I said I didn't know how two people could just start over and erase the history they'd made. At one point, he said his kids had asked about me and what should he tell them? Should he tell them that I just didn't want to see them anymore? I was shocked, really. I love his children (still do,) and maybe that was his undoing. I told him his kids were welcome to call me any time. And I just couldn't believe he'd even MENTION a thing like telling his kids something like that. At the end of the conversation, he told me he needed time to decide if he still felt the way he used to about me.

I was naive enough to think he still cared. (Now I'm not sure he ever did.) And maybe dumb enough to think that that's what he was actually DOING. Y'know, thinking about it. Like most adults would.

The next Saturday(1/13/07), I was really hurting. I texted him and he called me immediately. "Who is this?" he said. "Someone just called me from this number." I replied that I hadn't called, I'd texted, and that he knew who it was unless he'd already deleted my cell number from his phone. And that I didn't really believe he didn't know my voice. He kept asking if I was okay. I said I was great, and that I was just wondering when he stopped loving me so that I could know what memories we had together were false. He said, "Huh?" So I repeated it. That didn't cut it either, so I said, "Well, you did stop loving me, did you not?" and he said, "Yeah, I guess I did." So that Saturday was. . . January 13. I knew he had his kids that weekend. What I didn't know was that his new woman, Tonya, or maybe Tanya? Was spending the weekend, with her daughter Stephanie. I'm pretty sure she was the "Tawnie" whose eyes he could get lost in. That poor woman. But she's probably the reason he acted like he didn't know who I was. (Her myspace profile is gone, or I'd link it. But now I know that she WAS the girl on myspace whose eyes he could get lost in.) (I also later found a comment he left her Christmas night, saying, "You're truly a sexy lady!!! )

This past Thursday, Joey took Tonya/Tanya to bowling with him. (1/18/07) I know he knew it'd get back to me, that's why he took her. See, one of my Mother's friends bowls on Thursdays or something, and she asked Joey if 'that girl' was with him. This woman has known Joey since he was pretty young. (He's 31 now. You'd think he'd be past this sort of behavior, right?) And he said, "yeah, she is, why?" and so this friend of the family said, "Well Joey, I oughta kick your ass!" and Joey responded, "Well, SHE broke up with ME." Meaning, well, I broke up with him, so all is justified. I guess. I guess Tonya/Tanya asked what they were talking about. I hope she has questions for him. 'Cause after all, up until I broke up with him, he was planning to make me his wife, right?

So now I know that, and I'm, well, I'm angry that he lied to me repeatedly. But I feel bad for this woman, whoever she is, and her daughter. And I feel bad for his kids - they're going to be messed up if he keeps trying to bring people into their lives and keeps screwing it up so they leave. And I guess a little part of me is angry. She's there, sleeping on my pillows and probably my sheets. I want them back, but just so I can burn them. She probably doesn't know I ever existed. And that's okay. But if she's got any sense, she'll run like crazy at the first red flag. I wish I had.

Thank God I can move the fuck on with my life, now.

Oh, and Joey? Should you be reading this - I have your computer receipts and your blue carhartt, as well as the shirts you gave me to sleep in. You have my Christmas tree and my sheets, as well as my pillows. (You can go out and get some new pillows for you bed, as I know you only own one.) I want them back. You can leave them on my porch, if you have the balls to come that far into my yard. One of these days, I'll leave your shit on your porch. Maybe I can meet the new lady and stepkid!

Edited to add: You know what's the absolute worst worst part? Never once did I lie, I couldn't even dream of lying to him. He was too important to me and I loved him with every single bit of me. And it looks like I loved a monster or something. Had he broken up with me when it became clear to him that he didn't want to be with me, or that he had some doubts? I would've hurt, but not nearly this bad. Not nearly as bad as thinking about all the lying and whatever else he was doing while he was professing his love to me and claiming to want to be with me for the rest of his life.

Next, I received this email from him:

From: Joey
To: Jessica
Date: Jan 21, 2007 2:24 PM

I can't believe you're saying all these things. I didn't play you, you dumped me TWICE!! I was happy w/you and was really looking into the future, but you weren't ready. You kept on listening to others, but wouldn,t believe i was true to you. Your mother even said to quit judging and comparing me to others. I never lied to you. I was nothing but honest w/you. You kept living in the past and i didn't feel i was your future. I cared for you and loved spending time w/you! I never looked at another, because i was w/you!! You didn't want to hear that, because i don't know.

You're making me sound like i did you wrong. You know that wasn't ever true! I treated you like a lady. Every spare moment i had, was w/you! I didn't want anyone else, but time w/you. You hurt me, because you did a childish thing, not once, but twice. It's ok, make me sound like the bad guy. I know i did nothing wrong, while i was w/you.

I didn't tell anything to Sue, that was disrespectful about you. She said that she had a message from you. She should kick me in my butt, for you. She then asked me what happened. I told her you didn't want to be w/me. You dropped off my keys, some shirts, and left me a note. I never said anything rude toward you. I have no reason too! I don't want you to not be a friend. I do care for you, because you're a great person. I just don't know what happened, but i know we can't fix it. You hurt me twice!! What was i suppose to do. Know the way you ended it. I didn't deserve that, you could've talked to me. We could've came to an understanding, but you didn't give me that chance. You think what you want of me, but i do want to be friends.

I didn't talk to anyone for 2 weeks, after you left me!! I don't care what you believe, but that is the truth! I had no reason and wasn't ready to talk to anyone. I haven't heard from you and you thought i would wait on you. YOU DUMPED ME!!

If you want to talk, let me know. I don't want you and i to end on these terms. It's up to you, so let me know, and you know how to get in touch w/me.


I logged into YIM after reading that, to talk to a friend, and Joey was online. The following conversation ensued:

Joey = Joey's new girlfriend, Tanya
jessierae11= Jessica

You currently appear offline to Joey.

dapup5024 is using a different version of Yahoo! Messenger.
Certain features may be unavailable.

jessierae11: Last time I tried to get in touch with you, you claimed to not know who I was.
jessierae11: Right?
jessierae11: Well, I read your message, and I want to say I'd like to talk - but you didn't want to talk to me before.
Joey: jessica....
jessierae11: Joey.
Joey: no...Tanya
jessierae11: Hi Tanya.
Joey: hi
jessierae11: Hi.
Joey: i just read your blog....joey showed it to me
jessierae11: Okay.
Joey: yes...joey is with me
jessierae11: I figured he was.
Joey: look....i am sorry that it did not work out between you two
Joey: have no right to put my name or my daughters name on the internet
jessierae11: I'm not really sure why you're talking to me.
jessierae11: I have no desire to talk to you.
Joey: because when you put my name in your blog you brought me into this situation
jessierae11: Your point being?
Joey: you brought me into this......i was minding my own business and oetting joey deal with you but now am involved
jessierae11: Still not seeing your point.
Joey: i didnt thinkj you would....
jessierae11: Joey wasn't dealing with me.
jessierae11: Joey told me on the sixth that he needed time to decide if he still had the same feelings for me.
Joey: you need to be a mature women to understand what I amm talking about
Joey: well it seems to me that he doesnt
jessierae11: I gave him the respect and privacy he needed and didn't contact him until the 13th.
jessierae11: I don't care what it seems to you.
jessierae11: A little over two weeks ago he was telling me he loved me and wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. So maybe he was lying then, but what goes on between us is still not your business.
Joey: when you put my name on the internet you madfe it my business
jessierae11: I'm sure there are plenty of women named "Tonya" on the internet.
jessierae11: Or "Tanya"
jessierae11: And this isn't about me wanting Joey back, so don't get confused.
jessierae11: And really, if Joey had the respect for me that he'd like me to think he did, he wouldn't be letting his girlfriend talk to me through IMs about our business.
Joey: put it this two are no longer together, me and him doesnt matter who broke up with what...i will make sure you get your stuff back since that is what you seem to really want....and i just told made this my i said he and i are together so if you are doing something that he doesnt like then i dont like it either
jessierae11: I don't give a good goddamn what you like, lady.
jessierae11: And lady is probably a loose term, here.
Joey: i dont understand why you are being like this...when joey told me about you
Joey: he only had nice things to say
jessierae11: Because I treated him and his children extremely well.
jessierae11: Joey lied to me, and if you choose to believe he didn't, that's on you.
jessierae11: But you might want to take into consideration that when a man has not one, but two exes calling him a liar - they might be right.
Joey: you on the other hand are making him sound like a just doesnt make sense
jessierae11: Yeah, it won't make sense to you for a while, I figure.
Joey: it just didnt work out between you to
Joey: thats all
jessierae11: Right.
jessierae11: That'd be "you two."
jessierae11: It didn't work because I caught him in lies. I told him when he hurt me, yet he did nothing to change it.
jessierae11: Would YOU like your boyfriend telling some chick he could get lost in her eyes while you were out buying his kids gifts for Christmas?
jessierae11: I'm betting you probably wouldn't.
jessierae11: Especially after he'd told you he wanted to marry you?
Joey: you are not the only girl who has ever been hurt by a man
jessierae11: You are not a psychiatrist.
Joey: he has told me that alot of the stuff you put in your blog is not true
jessierae11: I know you have it all figured out and Joey is 100 percent honest and he'll never lie to you.
jessierae11: Did you spend the weekend with him the last weekend he had his kids?
Joey: yes
Joey: i was there when you texted
jessierae11: So he just emailed me to say that he hadn't talked to anyone for two weeks after I broke up with him.
Joey: and i was sitting there when he called you
jessierae11: I didn't talk to anyone for 2 weeks, after you left me!! I don't care what you believe, but that is the truth! I had no reason and wasn't ready to talk to anyone. I haven't heard from you and you thought i would wait on you. YOU DUMPED ME!!

jessierae11: That is directly from the message he sent me this morning.
jessierae11: So he didn't talk to anyone, but you spent the weekend ONE WEEK after I broke up with him.
jessierae11: Makes sense to me!
jessierae11: What, Joey trying to make this make sense for you?
jessierae11: I broke up with him January 4.
Joey: well whatever happened between you TWO is in the past....he still considers you a friend, even if you dont.
jessierae11: I'm glad you say that.
jessierae11: In the future, you'll be thinking, "oh, maybe that crazy bitch was right."
jessierae11: Have fun with Joey. I'll say hi to Ashton and Eden tomorrow for him.
Joey: we are together now....that is what matters to me.... i can't blame you for the way you feel....but we are happy
jessierae11: Good, maybe you should get married or something.
jessierae11: Best luck to you.
Joey: we are
jessierae11: You're getting married to someone you've known two weeks?
jessierae11: Intelligent decision.
Joey: i have known him longer than that
jessierae11: So how long, then, was he messing around behind my back?
jessierae11: Also, I see why he likes you: Stupid and easily manipulated.
Joey: mature and not likely to fall for the lies of a burned young girl
jessierae11: Manipulated is in the dictionary under "M" - look i tup.
Joey: theres is a big difference
jessierae11: Lady, you're desperate.
jessierae11: And you'll be wishing you'd listened, I promise.
Joey: not quite
jessierae11: Right.
jessierae11: Anyhow, y'all have a nice life.
jessierae11: He can keep the pillows and shit, since I know he doesn't have any pillows.
jessierae11: And you've had your head on them, so I damn sure don't want them back.
Joey: but that fact that you took that much time to write out a blog like that shows who is the desperate one
jessierae11: Boy, you have me pegged.
Joey: fine
Joey: do you want your tree back?
jessierae11: Joey, mom wants to know how long this girl knew you.
jessierae11: And Joey: Good on you for being a man and letting your girlfriend do your dirty work for you.
Joey: about 5 months
jessierae11: And how long has he been messing with you?
Joey: i am the one that is doing this...joey is not in the room
jessierae11: Because you're loony.
jessierae11: I thought Joey was right there with you?
Joey: how long we have been "messing around" doesnt are not with him anymore
Joey: i am
jessierae11: But you wouldn't be upset or feel wronged if your man fucked around on you.
jessierae11: You're out of your head.
jessierae11: You just said he wasn't in the room, and then he is.
jessierae11: Nuts.
Joey: i just told him what you said and he sasid he didnt fuck around on you
jessierae11: And I know he's a paragon of virtue.
jessierae11: Whatever he says must be true.
Joey: just because he knew me doesnt mean we were messing around
jessierae11: That's good.
jessierae11: I must've had some good pussy for him to lie his ass off like he did to me.
jessierae11: And just out of curiosity, you don't think it's "lying" for him to email me TODAY and tell me he didn't even talk to anyone for two weeks after we broke up, yet you stayed the weekend one week after we broke up?
Joey: well we have things to do so i am not going to waste anymore time trying to talk to you....I tried too talk to you woman to woman and you wanted to turn this in to a fight...i dont hvae any time for drama
jessierae11: Yeah. Take care of yourselves.
Joey: if you want your tree back let me know now
jessierae11: Joey: Do you want your computer receipts, shirts and carhartt?
Joey: yes he does
jessierae11: Tell him Mom will be bringing them to him.
Joey: do you know when?
jessierae11: No, she says she'll surprise him.
Joey: he is not at home much anymore...he needs to when
jessierae11: She says she'll call first.
jessierae11: Thanks for the good times, Joey.
Joey: he asked me to tell y ou that he still has no ill feelings toward you....he is sorry about what happened between you....
jessierae11: That's very big of him.
Joey: i hope you find what you are looking for
jessierae11: And I hope you find, well, the truth. I am confident you will, eventually.
jessierae11: And if he were truly sorry, he wouldn't be having you talk to me now.
jessierae11: He'd be a man and do it himself.
jessierae11: Not his strong suit.
Joey: i have found him and thats all that matters...i wish you well...bye

Somewhat annoyed at him having her talk to me, I sent him just this:

From: Jessica
To: Joey
Date: Jan 22, 2007 8:05 PM

I just can't understand why you thought it would be a good idea for your girlfriend to talk to me.

He responded:

From: Joey
To: Jessica
Date: Jan 23, 2007 6:35 PM

I didnt have my girlfriend talk to you. She happened to be .. when you sent the IM. She is the one who decided to talk to you I had nothing to do with it. I just want you to know that I have no hard feelings. I have nothing bad to say about you. We just didnt work out. I didnt do anything behind your back.Rememeber, you broke up with me. Even though things ended bad, it was for the best, I have found what I was looking for and I hope you do to.

I responded thusly - and any future communications I receive from him will be deleted unread:

You're nuttier than a fruitcake.

Had you one single shred of respect for me, you would've stood up and been a man and told her you didn't need her to talk to me - particularly if you didn't want us to have hard feelings toward each other. I had absolutely no desire to talk to her.

You told me all the way up until I broke up with you that you wanted to be with me forever, yet you've now found the love of your life - and found it less than a week after I dumped you. And in your last email, said that you didn't talk to anyone for two weeks after I broke up with you - clearly a lie. As was, probably, most of our 'relationship' - which is why it ended badly and I do have bad feelings toward you. You knew her for five months or whatever - during which time you claimed to want me to be your wife, and now you're madly in love. I'm glad for you - hopefully you've found someone dumb enough to fall for your shit - from the looks of my conversation with her the other day, I'd say that's the case.

And you manage to introduce a strange woman to your children less than a month after the last time they'd seen me. Bad judgement, but I'm not really surprised.

Yes, I broke up with you. I do not regret doing it. I regret doing it the way I did - which, if you recall my myspace blog, I am certain I expressed regret at doing it that way. I had planned to apologize for it when you contacted me after you claimed to be searching for your feelings - again, had you been a man, you would've said on the 6th that there was someone else instead of saying, "I need time to make sure I still feel the way I did about you!" I believed you because I cared about you and wanted what was best for you.

Since this is the last time you'll hear from me, I want you to know these things:

I love your children and never minded once doing things with them and for them, but I feel like you used me - particularly through Christmas, for your children's sake - perhaps you should have put their needs before your 'need' for a computer.

I don't know when you stopped caring for me, but the right thing to do would have been to end it then, instead of letting it drag on with you lying and probably cheating.

You DID do me wrong, and everyone but you realizes that - most likely because whatever shit you spew out of your mouth, you believe to be the truth. You have nothing bad to say about me because I was absolutely nothing BUT good to you.

You always said God put us together for a reason. Maybe it was so you could watch the best thing you'll ever have walk away from you.

Take care.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I started reading this, and about one-fifth through I couldn't take it anymore. This is so petty, you are so petty. If you didn't understand what kind of guy he was from the beginning, after the personal ad, and the myspace thing, and whatever other bullshit he fed you, than you definitely deserved everything the rest of this blog contains. Maybe you shouldn't be so desperate for love next time. Or just get a clue, for lack of a better expression.

My main point, however, is that myspace ruins lives.

12:33 AM, January 26, 2007  
Anonymous Whaddafuxup said...

Jessica, you are a bit of a dramam starter. You could have just dumped him and then ignored him forever, you don't need to give him reasoning (that will just feed fights).

I kind of feel bad for the guy.

7:54 PM, January 26, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah well. Live and learn, I guess. The myspace 'single' thing came in October, and I was dumb enough to believe what he told me. The personal ad was at the end, though.

I guess I didn't dump him and ignore him because I really did care about him - some part of me hoped he'd turn into an honest guy.


9:50 PM, January 26, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. When people show you who they are, believe them. Don't rationalize, apologize, intellectualize, etc... believe them and act accordingly.

2. It's hard to feel real compassion for you given you own responsibility in/to this mess. Have you done an autopsy to consider your own participation in this mess and what you would do differently next time?

3. Read "The Rules", not a perfect book by any means but having a backbone, confidence and strong sense of self is mandatory if you want a worthy partner.

2:09 AM, January 28, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


11:51 AM, January 28, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jessica I feel for you. The same thing happened to me, only in my case, he had cheated, several times, with several women, all he met on myspace. There were flags too, we had the whole "single" status thing too but for whatever reason, I ignored them just like you did.
I had never been hurt before, not this way, so I gave him the benefit of a doubt at each turn, I just didn't think he was capable of doing that to me, not after the way he treated me during our relationship. Maybe you and I are naive, maybe we were stupid not to have heeded the warnings, whatever, sometimes, you need to go through life experiences like this to know better.
No one can sympathize or empathize until they've been in your shoes.
Take heart, learn your lessons, move on. He'll get what's coming to him.

9:26 PM, January 29, 2007  
Anonymous dick cheney's shotgun of advice said...

I don't see what the problem was... you guys went to a Bears game. (PS. Go Bears!!!)

...actually I didn't make it much farther. C + D must be paying by the word these days.

12:23 AM, February 02, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clearly those above who fault you for your willingness to work through issues have never had a real relationship of their own.

I don't blame you for the MySpace thing (PS, MySpace is evil), and it's unfortunate that he turned out to be a liar who was probably cheating on you but too pussy to admit it (or have his new girlfriend admit it, as the case may be).

Next time, though, don't lower yourself to converse with the other woman. Send him an email detailing his lack of prowess in the bedroom and be done with it. ;)

2:32 PM, February 05, 2007  
Anonymous disenchanted_cherub said...

Ok, I feel bad for you, him & her... but mostly the poor kids that got dragged into it.

I agree with what the other readers have said in here already.

The beauty of Yahoo! chat (hey, it has a couple of positives!) is that you can block a user. Instead of making yourself feel worse & appear petty, just hit the 'iggy' button...

8:58 PM, February 06, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey girl! I feel your pain. This exact thing just happened to me. Keep your head up and look towards the was a blessing you didn't marry this jerk. I know its hard to let go but one day you will meet that special person while hes busy trying to earn a living and take care of his kids. He's a loser to begin with! Learn and move on! Besides, hes butt azz wonder hes desperate!!

2:58 PM, February 09, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, by "surfing around" you mean "checking up on him and stalking him and looking at Yahoo personals"...I get why you're upset. Why not just take the hints he threw your way? Men like that never tell the truth and they never change. You are way better off without him.

6:36 PM, June 27, 2008  

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