Friday, February 29, 2008


INFO: Luke - hip, goofy, smart, sweet actor. Me - not hip. not sweet. very intent on being a "good" girlfriend. being a girlfriend is not compatible with other goals in my ambitious life. friends tell us all the time how wonderful we are together - how lovely it is that I can "see something in him".


Dear Luke,

This is what I wanted to say as I was chatting with you cheerfully last night. But I didn't. But now I am.

I've been wondering if we should break up, because making conversation is always so hard with you, because I always feel like I'm holding back, like I have to be careful with you, because I can't deal with your baggage, and because you don't share my faith.

I'm not... hip enough for you. I'm too high maintenance, and I haven't seen enough movies to fit in your media-saturated life. However, I have no doubt you will find someone who fits because it seems you've always been tangled up in a girl – I don't think you know how to exist on your own. I don't want to find out a year from now that you didn't really like me – that you were acting – because I suspect you're acting.

I date guys about whom other girls say, "I wish I could date him," not, "Why would you date him." And if I can never date a man like that I'd rather be single, be single forever, and be happy.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry if this hurts you, if this breaks your heart again, but I'm finally saying exactly what I think and not censoring, not holding back, not taking more than I give. I hope this time, too, you want what you can't have, because you can't have me anymore and I love you. I don't know why – it's hard and it's bitter but I love you, and I want you to want me and to love me like I love you. I don't want to be "good for you." I just want to be with you.

Okay, I'm going to go away now and curl up and cry for you, sob for you and me; and wish I hadn't said any of this; and wish you would hold me - but don't. Call me when you've grown up. I might still love you then, but I might never trust you.



Blogger said...

So... what'd he say?

3:54 PM, February 29, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

MAN that is some shitty stuff. Glorious example of "hold me, DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Also, guys, this white on black is blinding and impossible to read.

5:28 PM, February 29, 2008  
Blogger said...

But it saves the world. Is that why people don't read us anymore, have they all gone blind? We'll talk to our stock holders. Thanks for the feedback.

5:32 PM, February 29, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Olivia here: I met him outside the theater after his rehearsal one evening and gave the letter to him. I told him that was why I had been cold, upset, and silent the previous weekend.

He said, "Something's wrong, isn't it..."
I nodded, sobbing already.
"Would you like me to read it now?"
"If you want."
"Will you wait?"
"Do I need to?"
"Will you wait, please?"
I nodded.
"Liv, I'm not acting!"
"But I can never tell."
"Why didn't you just tell me this?"
"Luke, did you not READ it? I can't talk to you! It would have crushed you!"
"So ... " Luke blinks back tears. "Liv, I thought... I really thought... Liv, really?"
"I thought so too. Really. Goodbye, Luke. Best wishes."

I walked away, shaking. It was dark and misty.

I haven't seen him since then. His show opened last night to incredible reviews.

It's better this way. It's better this way. It's better this way.

6:28 PM, March 01, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow, this chick seems way higher drama than her (ex) boyfriend. And he's an actor. I mean, she included the dialog from her break up as if it were a cheesy TV movie script. ("Luke blinks back tears...", "It was dark and misty..."). If this is real, she totally needs to get over herself. Also, she seems really mean. Olivia, you are right: Its way better this way - at least for Luke.

1:53 PM, March 03, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth. I'm off to go gargle. Liv, you need a reality check.

1:50 PM, April 25, 2008  

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