Sunday, August 31, 2008

CASE # 97: MAC + CHEESE



SUBMITTED BY: MAC (FEMALE)
PARTIES: MAC (F) - 27, CHEESE (M) - 29
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: 7 months

INFO: Met him at a bar in Tribeca. I was there with an ex as a favor to attend his holiday party with him (we had broken up just the month before). Caught Cheese staring at me and he didn't break the gaze. He proceeded to continue to stare at me - not caring that it appeared I was with another guy. Cheese sat on the other side of my ex and propped his head on the bar and listened to our entire conversation. The ex got up at one point to go to the bathroom. Cheese came over and asked me if that was my boyfriend. I replied no. He then said that I should give him my phone #. I did. I found his aggressiveness, self-assuredness, and cockiness a bit intimidating, exciting, and sexy. Those same traits may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. He told me he loved me on our third date, the third date in a week. He bought an engagement ring that he carried around with him - waiting for the right moment. He asked me to move in with him. Then changed his mind. Then changed again. Went back and forth for a week until I finally just got fed up and found my own place.

The day after I moved into my new apartment, I found text messages to two different girls on his phone. Both were sent while he had been with me the night before. One called his ex "baby" and that he was getting ready to pass out for the night. The other was asking a girl out to dinner the next night. We broke up. I forgave. A month later, my uncle passed away. He said "my condolences" and then proceeded to use me as a verbal punching bag for the bad day he was having and decided that was the appropriate time to tell me that he didn't want me having any friends. We broke up for a whole weekend. I caved in and forgave him yet again.

Three weeks later, we went to the beach for a weekend getaway. On little sleep, he became crabby and screamed at me in broad daylight of a public parking lot about how miserable I made him and how I could find my own ride home (2 1/2 hours away), etc. He apologized. But the events of the last two months had snapped something in me.

We were in the midst of "working things out" when on a Saturday night, he failed to call or show up when he said he would. I sent him a text asking what was going on and half an hour later, received a reply that he'd be there in 45 minutes. And my epiphany finally occurred. This was a man who was never going to change. He wasn't even considerate enough to call when he was going to be late (a conversation we'd had on NUMEROUS occasions), let alone work on the more major character flaws he possessed.

And so - I said good-bye. My good-bye was not in a traditional letter form, but it still served its purpose. Oh, and I just broke up with him yesterday.




FROM: MAC
TO: CHEESE


You walked in and with one glance, you swept me off my feet. Your grandiose promises, your fancy words, and your visions of the future - of a future including me - infiltrated my boundaries and before I knew it - you had become a staple in my every day life.

My routines no longer consisted of just myself. I now considered and accommodated your schedule and began putting your needs, your priorities before my own. Since you had shown me such devotion, I thought it only fair to do the same in return.

Yet, after a few months - you came tumbling down from that pedestal I had placed you on. Your slight flaws became major and your inconsistency began to waver my faith. And your bad decisions had an irreparable & detrimental effect on me, on us.

I held on. I forgave. I looked the other way. I defended you to my friends and left out the full story to my family. I fought for what was important to me, yet conceded in the end. I cried. I had sleepless nights. I contemplated whether I was asking for too much. I tortured myself with such self-criticism that I began to feel less than what I really was.

And you kept pushing. Your behavior improved on such a temporary basis that everyone knew... even myself... of the writing on the wall. Yet, the inevitable never made it any easier to finally tell you what I had known for a while...

One of my best friends sent me the best e-mail. She told me that ultimately, until I realize that you are just not right for me, I will continue to take you back. And then the very next day, you screwed up once again. And even though we weren't 'together' officially, it was still enough to show that the old adage is oh-so-true. People do not change. And if they do, they must do it on their own because they want to of their own accord - not because it's necessary for a relationship.

Maybe if the relationship meant the world to that person, they could really change for it. But unfortunately, in our instance, this does not seem to be the case.

And this is why I bid you adieu. Because you just aren't right for me. Regardless of how much I miss you and still love you, nothing will make you the right person for me.

What I dread is the emptiness... Of having to go through the whole process again of meeting someone whose chest I can lay my head on and will fit just right in the nook of his shoulder... and I will finally forget how it felt to lay in yours. Because until that happens... you will still be a staple in my life - even as a memory.

8 Comments:

Blogger e-closure.com said...

Thanks for sharing Mac. I think it's a damn beautiful letter and incredibly big of you to be able to recognize that it was time to leave.

Have you stayed broken up?



love always,
e-closure

7:40 PM, August 31, 2008  
Anonymous TooShortVG said...

We have. As hard as it is, ultimately people do not change. And with him, I realized that I needed more out of a relationship and a boyfriend than just appearing to be great on paper.

He is and was a great guy, but he just wasn't the right one for me.

But it didn't stop me from loving him... and still doing so...

2:39 PM, September 04, 2008  
Blogger e-closure.com said...

I think that's marvelous and many readers are going to envy or hopefully be inspired by your strength and self awareness/preservation to know when to walk away from something.

Love him all you want. I don't think those things ever really go away.

you're a rock star.

love,
e-closure

10:46 PM, September 04, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago, the hurt is still very raw and every little thing seems to remind me of him. I want you to know that by reading your letter, I feel as if those words are mine too.. how beatiful to know someone else has gone through the same feelings and has made it. Stay strong, thank you for sharing and making me feel as if I can make it through another day.

1:58 AM, September 06, 2008  
Anonymous TooShortVG said...

To Anonymous:

I hope your days continue to get easier and know that you are never alone.

11:16 AM, September 08, 2008  
Anonymous disenchanted_cherub said...

Power to you Mac :)

Sometimes the realisation that the one you love isn't the one you should be with, is as scary & lonely as following it through.

All the very best with what lays ahead.

6:46 AM, September 09, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could have wrote this letter myself. People do not change, and that is a lesson I have learned the hard way. I broke up with my boyfriend of 1.5 years last fall. We didn't talk for 8 months, and at the beginning of the summer we went out for coffee and got back together again. I honestly believed he had changed. 3 months later, I have realized that is not the case. I don't know what to do, because I can't stand to hurt him again, but I am not happy in this relationship. I love him, but I know he is not right for me. Thank you for you're letter. I admire your strength, because I know first hand that this is not easy.

Much love,
Bella

2:51 AM, October 27, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was able to get my ex back after I followed the instructions at www.saveabreakup.com I totally recommend this site, saveabreakup.com helped me a lot, all I can say is big THANKS!!! I'm so happy now...

11:32 PM, October 28, 2010  

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