CASE # 22: CATHARINE + MICHAEL

SUBMITTED BY: CATHARINE
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: two weeks short of one year

INFO: Background: I moved to a new city by myself, and found myself spending most nights hanging out at a local dive bar. I quickly became friends with the regulars and the staff, and most notably notably a cute,older bartender. We went on a few dates, and pretty soon we were spending four or five nights a week together. It wasn't a typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but we were, for the most part, monogamous. Eight months into the relationship, he stopped having sex with me (but still invited me over nearly every night.) I was confused and a little freaked out, and he finally admitted to me that he was seeing another girl ("Emily") and that it was possibly turning into something serious.(I'm not sure if it's worth noting that this conversation took place in his bed,with me wearing his pajamas, on my birthday.)

Three weeks later, the Emily thing had failed, and he and I ended up back together in whatever facsimile of a relationship we'd had before. He got seriously ill, I nursed him through it, then six weeks later - oh no! - I got seriously ill and had to fly halfway across the country for medical treatment. While I was in the hospital, I got a little angry and how I'd been treated, and we exchanged the following emails.

not terrible, not funny, maybe not even that interesting... just a vaguely depressing story about a girl who got dumped because she was too young, too silly, and too much fun.

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FROM: Catharine
TO: Michael
SUBJECT: Home Home Home

I'm coming home soon (i think) and i really really can't wait to see everybody. i've missed all my friends so much, especially you. one of the things i've missed the most while i've been away is spending sunday afternoons in bed with you, watching cartoons and drinking tea.i think i've only shouted this at you during fights about emily, but i really do love you. like bunnyrabbits and hearts love, like when you smile at me i can feel it in my stomach and sometimes when i think about kissing you i get goosebumps.

all that being said, you have to start being nice to me. that's all i want. just be nice. you don't have to be my boyfriend, and you don't have to buy me jewelry, all you have to do is stop every once in a while and think "am i being an asshole right now?"

i'm not here to be your between-girlfriends fuckbuddy. if what you really, really want is an age-appropriate, serious-minded girlfriend, i understand, but i can't be your backup when that plan doesn't work out. i know you know when you're acting like a shit, and i know you know i'm better than just someone's plan b. i'm going through really serious stuff right now and i can't waste time with people who are only going to be there for me some of the time.

so please just be nice to me. i know you know how.

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FROM: Michael
TO: Catharine
SUBJECT: re:Home Home Home

You are, of course, completely right about everything

[completely useless paragraph about how he admires catharine's artistic talent]

I promise not to be my usual asshole self or at least try much harder not to be. I know your going through a lot right now and if I can do anything let me know. I don't want to keep breaking your heart because I do care for you. I might not be as bunnies and flowers as you are, probably because I don't let myself be but I am emotionally involved and I do care.

So, and I know you're going to be mad at me for this but I have the beginnings of an age appropriate girl friend who isn't an absolute cow like Emily. I know you think I'm crazy but I'm coming to the end of my career on [the street we met on that's known for partying] and you're just beginning. I need to settle down and you need to collect more outrageous stories. I'd love to be Bridgette Bardot's older man but
she deserves a younger model that can keep pace.

I do love you bunches.