Wednesday, August 23, 2006

UNHAPPY ANNIVERSARY


image swiped from a google image search.

UNHAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Wayne: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.

It was a year ago yesterday we posted the first letter on this little url. Over time there were days we thought no one would read us and then there were other times where we thought the entire world would read us. But you know, in reality, we're happy that anyone reads this. Especially you.

(Yes you. You're a good reader. And you're incredibly pretty. Is that a new haircut? Makes you look 10 years younger.)

We hoped to get a letter a week and update like that. Some weeks we haven't gotten anything and some weeks we've gotten several. 60ish letters in a year. That aint bad. And we'd like to thank YOU for submitting that letter and we'd like to thank YOU for reading.

Now for our own self involved desires we'd like to take a little nostalgic trip down heartbreak lane and count off our top 10 highlights over the past year.

In no particular order.

1. Our first unsolicited and completely anonymous (to us) letter came in 2 months after we started. It's called Pooky + Pudding. We we're just about to euthanize the whole experiment when our mailbox called out with this little gem. Then we thought, hey maybe people will really share. So we cuddled on the couch, watched Field Of Dreams and kept rewinding the part where he says "if you build it he will come".

While we were giggling at that line we realized that it also applied to our site, with "he" being a metaphor for "you." And "you" being a metaphor for "we." And "build" being a-ok, ok we'll stop.

2. Around V-Day, Karina from MoBuzz did not 1 but 2 little clips about us. Sure we appreciated the exposure and really we don't want to seem shallow here but we both just think she's really dreamy. And it's really cool when hot girls talk about you and it's not behind your back or to your parole officer.

3. When girls we dated asked/told us not to post their letters. We abided every time. We know. We're sweet. Now stop hating us.

4. The time we hit the jackpot on a glitch in our local entertainment rag where we could take out classifieds that usually cost 50 bucks but cause someone over there effed up we got them for 5 bucks each. And to this day they still make us chuckle.

5. When the superb boy reporter/Torontoist Ron Nurwisah did a little ditty on us and then the CBC saw it and had us on their radio show where they pretended to care for approximately 7 minutes. We felt sooooo famous and like we really hit our demographic of 50-year-old conservative married couples that listen to talk radio.

6. When we emailed this guy from a links site to see if he'd link us. Instead of doing that he started his own breakup letters site and asked if he could buy ours off of us. Umm... no... you jerk.

7. When the counter rolled to 100,000 hits we got drunk and blacked out. We think we had a good time but the cat wouldn't speak to us for weeks.

8. We were really excited when we got our first boyfriends letter and when we got our first girlfriends letter. They're both pretty great and they made us both feel sexy and gay.

9. When this guy found his letter on the site and politely asked us to take it off.

10. Our V-day Bash. We read breakup letters, Harry Haroldson played and people had a good time.

10a) Today. It's real special.

All the other things and people we're forgetting to thank and mention. Don't worry, we'll hit you up at the Grammy's. Especially you Dick Cheney's Shotgun Of Advice, you make us feel like we're a part of the real American Dream, even though we're not.

All in all, last August we didn't think we'd be alive today, let alone still be talking to each other, still collecting breakup letters and still being tubular, but here we are.

It's interesting looking back on where we were when we started this and where we are now. We've both grown (we're huge, all we've eaten are chips), gotten our own closure and hopefully aided others in doing so. Some people have found this site helpful, some have found it funny and others have fucking hated it. Either way we're grateful that you've all contributed and that you all read. It warms our dead souls.

So instead of sending us dainty flower arrangements this anniversary, send us letters. Tell your friends, your ex-lovers and your enemies and if you're lucky or unlucky maybe we'll be around another year.

We love you.

Love,
Charles + Dwayne.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Love your site.
It is creative and inovative.
It is a wonderful forum for dumpers, dumpees and those of us on the sidelines who just want to see how we are doing in the big picture in comparison.
I can't wait to see what this next year holds for you.
Best of luck for an even greater year!

8:22 AM, August 24, 2006  
Anonymous Dick Cheney's Shotgun of Congratulations said...

Dear D + C,

I've liked you guys ever since I realized that your initials spell Dick Cheney. I like your country for always putting the letter 'u' after 'o' and for letting our mega-corporations start turding across your landscape. Also, you have properly left the colour blue out of your flag... possibly the only thing my country could learn from you guys.

If my country ever decides to impeach me and my pet monkey Curious George, you will receive the first e-closure from a United States Vice President, as I am sure it will be hard for us to break up with war.

Congratulations boys... let's hug it out sometime. (Or, I can just shoot you.)

9:20 PM, August 24, 2006  

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