CASE # 73: THE BOWLER + I

(fake picture stolen from google)

SUBMITTED BY: I (Female)
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: 3 months
INFO: We met through a bowling league my senior year of high school and began dating in Jan. '06. We were both 18 and it barely lasted three months, but it would have been shorter had I been able to grow a set. I tried to end it two months in, but he threatened suicide and claimed I was the only thing keeping him alive; not wanting be responsible for his death, I stayed with him. We fought for a month straight after that; he had some severe anger issues, probably stemming from the way his home life was. His parents were divorced for 10 years and hated each other to the point of not being able to be in the same room, yet they shared a house for financial reasons; his father was an alcoholic and his mother hated me for "stealing her little boy away."

He went to my senior prom (didn't want him there and made that clear, but the tickets were bought and paid for), and shortly after that, I ended it after a string of arguments and fights. We had plans for dinner and a movie at my house, but he didn't show; instead he called at 11 pm that night after going to dinner with his mother. This was the latest thing in a string of broken dates and promises and I was fed-up. I drove to his house to break-up with him in person--he gave me a rose in an attempt to keep me, then proposed when that failed. Needless to say, I declined (I was 18 and he was crazy!) and he cried on my shoulder for 45 minutes before I got up and left. For the next few weeks he alternated between trying to get back together with me and making threats against me because I "broke his heart & ruined his life." After a few weeks of this, I gave up and stopped talking to him, at which point his sister stepped in and threatened to find me and "beat me down" for ruining his life.

About a year later I added him as a friend on Facebook, thinking that enough time had passed that we could be civil. What follows is the exchange of private messages, in their original state with the slight exception of name changes to protect the privacy of those involved. (Just a side note, I do consider Community Colleges to be educational and great opportunities, but in the case of this guy, it was just a way to extend his stay at home because he didn't want to go away college or get a job.)

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:11:35pm December 13th

so im curious, what made u wanna ask me to be ur friend on here, when we havent spoke in months? not that its a bad thing, but it shocked the helll out of me when i got ur friend request...

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FROM:I
DATE:12:06pm December 14th

Because regardless of the hard feelings and death threats, I don't hate you?Besides, it's only Facebook.

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FROM:Bowler
DATE:1:29pm December 14th

i understand that...its juss weird, cuz we havent spoken...and i juss want u to know that it hurt me unbelievably after we broke up that we werent talkin, cuz u were my best friend...u can ask anybody i know...not to get on the drama deal..but i thought maybe u might know...

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FROM: I
DATE:11:10pm December 17th

We didn't talk because you (or your sister) were threatening me half the time and the other half, you were crying about getting back together. I didn't want to or have to deal with that.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:11:48pm December 17th

my sister made the threats, i was too numb to even think of such a thing...i cried, cuz i actually found someone that i loved...but u have moved on, and i cant do anythin but respect that...maybe sometime in the future, we can become acquaintences again and talk like people again...cuz it feels so odd how on a friday at a prom, we were havin the time of our lives, then 3 days laters everything is over...but oh well...talk to u soon(if there is a soon)...

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FROM: I
DATE:12:02am December 18th

I had brought up issues to you prior to prom, so it's not like everything was hunky-dory. In fact, if you remember, we almost broke up three weeks before that. And I have moved on, it's been over seven months now. You should have done so by now as well. And you did make threats as well. MySpace and profiles are visible to the public, which includes me and my family.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:12:19am December 18th

ok u got me..it was sweet of u to bring up issues prior to prom then 3 days later break up with me, and never speak to me again after...cuz i so nice to u at bowling which THE TRUE BOWLING SCHOLARSHIP WINNER beat u and i said good bowling that UR SISTER HAD TO ANSWER FOR U...yeah i have moved on, but its a shame that we couldnt even stay friends...

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FROM: I
DATE:12:32am December 18th

Ok.A. We both got equal scholarship money from the same organizations. You may not appreciate it, you might think I don't deserve it. I don't care. I applied for and received the scholarship, which I am putting to good use in college. Deal with it.B. You're one to talk about bringing siblings into it.C. This whole tirade shows that you haven't moved on in the slightest and I'm not going to be friends with someone who is immature like this and unable to face reality. Grow up.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:5:07pm December 18th

u started it, all i did was 1st ask u about bein my friend on facebook, then u brought up all this shit, so get ur facts straight...yeah if it wasnt for me, you wouldnt have never won the scholarship from the county...i have moved on, im juss tellin u how i felt about how things got handled, of course i couldnt tell cuz u did anythin possible to avoid me whenever i saw u...

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FROM: I
DATE:12:52pm December 19th

The reason I avoided you, yet again, was the threats. It's usually not a good idea to hang around people who want you dead/really sick. And you had nothing to do with my scholarship, but it's fine with me if thinking that makes you feel better.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:11:21pm December 19th

yes i did have somethin to do about ur scholarship, if i didnt tell ur sorry ass about it, u would have never won it...deal with that..threats my ass, u wouldnt know a threat if it fuckin smacked u in ur fuckin face...

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FROM: I
DATE: 11:33pm December 19th

Actually, the forms were sent to my bowling coach, who promptly gave them to me the day after your mother mentioned it, so I would have known about it without your help. And I'm pretty sure I'm smart enough to know that when someone says they want me to catch AIDS and die, asks his sister to threaten my life, or says he'll "beat down if [I] ever came back into the state" that it's a physical threat against my well-being. Speaking of which, act upon any of these or mention any more and I will not hesitate to contact the police.And there's no need to curse.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:12:19pm December 20th

ok about the scholarship thing...no need to curse, c'mon now {me}.. im actually curious, do u still bowl up there or did u juss waste the county's money to help u pay for college?

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FROM: I
DATE:1:52pm December 21st

Not only have I continued bowling, but I actually go to college! With plans for a career! :-) (And it's not county money, genius. It's actually money from a private organization.)Besides, cursing wouldn't be necessary if you developed a decent vocabulary.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:4:47pm December 21st

Yo genius, i go to college too...u took the county's money too...im curious, since u have continued bowling...how about over the break, how about u make an appearance at airport and we'll go 1 on 1, so i can show to everyone how much of a disgrace u r to this game and bein graced for takin the {Bowling League}'s money...yeah ur career must be to ruin this country, since u wanna be president oh so badly, ruin our conutry like that jerkoff george w. bush...

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FROM: I
DATE:6:43pm December 21st

Wow... was that even English? What happened to grammar, punctuation, and capitalization?Once again, not county money; both bowling associations and the {Bowling League} are private organizations. They chose me for the female award based on bowling accomplishments as well as academic ones; my application was evenly balanced, unlike others...Bush didn't ruin our "conutry," uninformed voters like you took care of that one. I'm not bowling you at Airport--I have absolutely nothing to prove to you and I don't care if that hurts your feelings. Deal with it. (That's aside from the fact that your crazy sister would most likely be waiting outside) And by the way, by "college," I meant an actual college, with dorms and professors and four-year degrees, that students go to in order to get an actual education so they can get real jobs. I'm pretty sure {Local Community College} doesn't fall in that category.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE: 12:17am December 24th

all of a sudden now we hafta be perfect, how about u take ur grammar, ur punctuation, and ur capitalization and shove it straight up ur ass, sweetie....i dont vote hunni...also, my sister wouldnt even waste her time and unlike u, she actually works(unfortunately strip clubs dont count as a job if thats what u do now)...since when isnt {local community college} a college? not havin dorms doesnt determine if a campus a college...it means getting a college education..fine, pick the bowling alley..since we hafta prove that ur bowling accomplishments r so extroadinary(tho there aint any bowling accomplishments in the bowling career of {Me}) as i recall, i dont see any {area} CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS(3 of those), HONOR SCORES(4 of those), DIVISION TITLES(2 of those), NOR ALL STATE SELECTIONS(2 of those) IN UR ACCOMPLISHMENTS CATEROGY(like urs truly).. and i dont even bowl as much as i used to, so u cant even say that i can practice..my sister would be very impressed with ur toughness...

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FROM: I
DATE:10:19am December 25th

Oh, we don't have to prove anything. You have a macho need to prove something. Quite frankly, I don't care what you think of me or my bowling talents, which is why, yet again, I am not going to meet you anywhere to go bowling. While you seem angry and in desperate need to think you're tougher than I am, I have enough accomplishments in my bowling as well as academics that I don't need to bowl you. Get that point through your head, ok? And while I'm flattered that you think I could work at a strip club, I certainly don't--college takes up a lot of time and I'll leave those jobs for {sister}: she needs them more than I ever could anyway. If getting a college education determines the definition of a "college," {Local Community College} still doesn't fit! {Local Community College} educates people for minimum wage, low-skill jobs; it sure as hell doesn't give anyone an actual education.Your opinions and horrible grammar and spelling mean nothing to me, so I'd appreciate it if you'd grow up, deal with your anger issues, and stop cluttering up my inbox.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:11:34pm December 25th

thats awfully sweet of u...i wonder if i should let {sister} see these...at least she has a job and doesnt let mommy and daddy pay for everythin like youve had...{local community college} is still a college, doesnt matter what wages are...college is college...doesnt matter if its {my college} or {local community college}...if it says college or university in its name, its a college...deal with it dear...i think u should stop cluttering my inbox...1 final point, there are no bowling accomplishments, there r plenty of academic accomplishments that i can respect, but def no bowling accomplishments, unless u wanna name those minor things for me...

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FROM: I
DATE:11:56pm December 26th

I don't need to name them--check that newspaper article about the scholarship or the program from the dinner (if you're able to read it shouldn't be an issue). For your information, I paid my own way through college via scholarships and savings; I don't need to or have to rely on my parents, though I'm grateful that they're there for me and not crazy.{Local Community College} still isn't a college. No professors, no dorms, no degrees, no internships with anything other than the {Local Supermarket}--sounds like it's not a college. You've provided no proof to the contrary.And if you're going to try and insult me, at least be creative enough to use your own lines, not repeat what I said like a parrot. It's pretty pathetic.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:4:03pm December 27th

yeah make sure u read my info in the newspaper and the dinner program, cuz there r plenty of bowling accomplishments to name, all i saw was 4 time starter(thats such a hard thing), team MVP(yawn, had that 3 years in a row)...dont u even dare try sayin my parents r crazy, cuz they have always been there for me, cuz they r divorced doesnt mean theyre crazy, u fuckin bitch...sure u didnt pay ur way thru college...i dont need to show any proof that {local community college} is a college...it says college, its a college idc what ur rich ass thinks...u think i was tryin to act tough, look at u hardass, idk who ur tryin to call pathetic, also do me a favor, when u die, have ur parents send me an inviation to ur funeral, so i can eat ur food and take a shit on ur grave to show how truly a waste of a life u really r....

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FROM: I
DATE: 12:05pm December 28th

Wow--you still have some serious anger issues that you need to work through. You should probably see someone about those before they get even more out of hand.I honestly don't care what you think of me or my bowling abilities; I'm secure enough in myself to not need your approval, though you seem to be having trouble saying the same. (And by the way, no one I know would consider having money to be an insult. Try harder next time.)Your family is dysfunctional and everyone knows it, so don't even start that with me. {Local Community College} still doesn't count as a college, regardless of the name; something (or someone) can say something without making it true. i.e. you calling me a "fuckin bitch" sure as hell doesn't make me one. And it's you that I'm calling pathetic, just to clarify.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:3:35pm December 29th

ok, explain to me how they r dysfunctional? cuz last time i checked, my family is doin well with no problems...u juss dont know what goes on around here, cuz ur rich ass is up in {my college}...thats so mature disrespecting someone elses family when u havent even been around...ur gonna look pathetic when u end up with that glorious thing called as an STD or dead, cunt...juss do the world a favor and kill urself...

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FROM: I
DATE:11:15pm December 29th

Mmm, resorting back to cursing, eh? And you honestly can't call me immature when you're the one calling me names. (Once again, having money isn't insulting.)And I've seen enough of your family to know they're screwed up; you know it yourself.

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:5:13pm December 30th

eh? what r we in canada? and honestly i can call u immature, cuz ur also callin my family names, and me names..think w/e u want of my family, but they r not dysfunctional, ur not around here to see us...c'mon now, u werent even around that much to see my family when we were goin out..before u start tryin to call my family dynsfunctional, how about u check out some of the families and kids in middletown, which u went to school with...cuz im pretty sure most of them in {my hometown} r not normal...so, how about u stop tryin to act tough on a comp, and come say to our faces that were dysfunctional....and stop "cluttering" my inbox by sendin me nonsense, and kill urself....

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FROM: Bowler
DATE:6:53pm December 30th

MEGAN, THIS IS {SISTER}. I DONT HAVE A FACEBOOK, SO IM REPLYING FROM MY BROTHER'S ACCOUNT. I HAVE READ EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WRITTEN TO MY BROTHER, AND HONESTLY WHAT YOU GUYS TALK ABOUT ISN'T MY BUSINESS... UNTIL YOU TALK ABOUT ME OR MY FAMILY, WHICH YOU DID. SO NOW IT IS MY BUSINESS, AND I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW... DONT YOU EVER SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME OR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN. I'M NOT BEING A HARDASS OVER THE COMPUTER BECAUSE I CAN FIND OUT YOUR PHONE NUMBER OR WHERE YOU LIVE, AND IM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW IF YOU EVER MENTION MY NAME OR ANYTHING ABOUT ME OR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN THERE WILL BE MAJOR PROBLEMS. TRUST ME. YOU'RE LUCKY I HAVEN'T FOUND YOU YET. I'M JUST WARNING YOU, STOP TALKING TO MY BROTHER. DO NOT TRY TO BE TOUGH OR ACT LIKE YOU'RE BETTER THAN US BECAUSE YOU GO TO {MY COLLEGE} AND HAVE MONEY. {LOCAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE}IS AS MUCH OF A COLLEGE AS {MY SCHOOL}, AND FOR YOU TO SAY IT ISN'T BECAUSE THERE AREN'T DORMS IS STUPID. {SISTER'S COLLEGE}IS A COLLEGE AND I DONT HAVE TO STAY IN A DORM. AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THERE ARE SCHOLARSHIPS FOR {LOCAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE}, AND THE PROFESSORS.. THEY'RE NOT ACTORS, SO WHEREVER YOU GOT THE NOTION THAT THEY'RE NOT REAL, I'M SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT THEY ARE. AND IF YOU HAVE MONEY, GOOD FOR YOU. AS FOR US, WE AREN'T AS WELL OFF AS YOU ARE, BUT IN NO WAY DOES THAT MEAN WE ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL. I KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHOSE PARENTS ARE DIVORCED AND THEIR FAMILIES ARE FINE. HOW DARE YOU SAY MY FAMILY IS DYSFUNCTIONAL. YOU HAVE SOME NERVE EVEN TALKING ABOUT MY FAMILY. DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT MY BROTHER, PARENTS, OR ME. YOU TOOK IT WAY TOO FAR, AND NOW IT'S GOING TO STOP. DO YOU COMPREHEND? OH, AND IF YOU DON'T STOP SAYING SHIT... THERE WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE PROBLEMS. AND THATS NOT A DEATH THREAT OR ANY KIND OF THREAT. THATS A PROMISE THAT I WILL HAVE A NICE CHAT WITH YOU, FACE TO FACE, IF IT DOESN'T STOP.

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FROM: I
DATE:11:27pm December 30th

{Sister}: Stop stepping in for your brother. He has to grow up eventually. Just a heads up, come near me and I'm filing a restraining order. {Bowler}: Stop messaging me. I honestly want nothing to do with you until you grow up, get a vocabulary and some manners, and stop whining. Essentially, that's never.

[After that message, he was blocked & we haven't spoken since.]