CASE # 41: JAMES + RACHEL
SUBMITTED BY:JAMES
LENGTH OF RELATIONSHIP: Just under a year, from friendship to spring-fling to whatever.
INFO: Officially, we never dated. But I liked her as a friend and more, and always worried (yes, worried) that she might fall in love with me. I graduated and moved just far enough to ensure that it couldn't be an exclusive thing, but we saw each other pretty regularly, regardless. Last month we went to a party together, with plans to go to a concert afterwards. I drank a lot of cheap whiskey and she had to spend the evening nursing me instead. She sent me this email a few days later, and I can't find a way to apologize adequately, still.
Every time I read it (which if fairly frequently), I can't get over the fact that she sounds more disappointed than angry. I keep hoping her outlook will change to anger, because there's convincing myself that her anger is misplaced or overstated than doing the same with disappointment. (The worst stories are the ones you can't possibly slant to make yourself the hero.)
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FROM: RACHEL
TO: JAMES
James,
I know you feel horrible about the other night (and are forevergrateful to me?), but I never really expressed to you how extremely disappointed I am with your behavior, not just getting wasted and ruining my night, but your actions before and after that. This might soundharsh, but I have much to be upset about and I want you to know. It's bad enough I had to miss POS because of your bad decisions, a show I had been looking forward to for weeks, but I stayed with you and helped you after you had spent the whole night trying to impress and flirt with another girl, and I had to listen while you pretended that you and I didn't have anything between us. Until you asked me for a blow job, of course.
On top of that, later I felt you were deceitful about sex and you physically hurt me (my lip still hurt...I think you were too drunk for that). That is not a night I'll forget any time soon.
This is what I'm left with from the night, and unfortunately the weekend, even though the rest of the visit was fun. I would have told you this on the phone, but I can't articulate it the same way. I don't think this long distance complicated friendship will work anymore. Let's just keep this a friendship if we can.
-R
13 Comments:
God, what a jerk. Having enough class to not get toally shitfaced when out with somebody is bad enough, but to flirt with somebody else while she's there?!!? That's low-class all the way (and stupid, especially if you were going to ask for a blowjob later - bad planning)
Jerk.
Kudos for posting, James! It's the scorned that usually post... Way to take responsibility while espressing a little remorse.
to this day, i don't know who i was flirting with. and i had almost convinced myself that she was overreacting, because we weren't ever dating and i wasn't planning on spending the night with her. we were supposed to go to a party and a concert, and then i was supposed to go to my home and she was supposed to stay at hers. i definitely didn't plan to ask her for a blowjob, and actually dont' remember making the request.
i don't pretend that makes me less of a jerk, but i think the lack of premeditation eliminates malice as my fault and leaves me solely with stupidity as my hubris.
what happened happened, and the manly thing was to apologize to her until she got sick of hearing it. was to show her my repentance wasn't an act.
she's forgiven me. according to her, we're friends now. but i'm still not at the point where i believe it. she deserves better than i gave her, that and other nights. maybe i'll stop feeling like a piece of shit when she finds it.
You're a dick.
he's not a jerk/dick, he acted like a jerk/dick, and he's very sorry. there's a difference.
-sean
James,
You're a brave man. You fucked up and you admitted it. Like anonymous said you took responsibility and expressed remorse. Most aren't big enough to do that.
-dwayne
seriously. you guys gotta be more constructive. we're all about freedom of speech here, but for the love of Bob Saget come up with something more creative than 'jerk' or 'dick'.
thank you so much. ooooo.
kissy kissy.
I once had an indescetion with somebody that I was afraid may "fall in love with me." Guess what? She did, and then so did I. This situation sounds all too familiar, including the need to be esteemed by her again.
Then again what do I know? I am only the Vice President of the United States. Alls I know is stealing oil and shooting people.
If you weren't dating this girl -- who seems to be extremely forgiving, and by the way, good luck finding another one like that -- then why are you sending in a breakup later, doofus? Hello, if you weren't going out, how could you break up?
What is this the 50's? Just cause he didn't ask her to go steady and give her his football jacket doesn't mean they didn't have a relationship. There was something between them and he thinks he fucked it up. Hence a breakup.
Did you know that the definition of marriage isn't just between a man and a woman anymore? Crazy, I know.
The poor gal. The guy obviously screwed up but that would be an incredible pain for the gal. I admire the guy for posting though, and being upfront about his mistake.
Wait, did she give him a BJ, even after he acted like that? Is that why her lip hurt? If so, dumbass!!!
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