Wednesday, May 17, 2006

CASE # 51: FRANK + CHEAP SLUT


SUBMITTED BY: CHEAP SLUT

INFO:The story would go something like this... It was late January, in the very early stages of a long-time-a-comin' divorce from someone I don't ever plan on being out of love with. I was feeling fucked in the head as I tend to do, so I put on some of my roommates tight clothes and went over to my new friend Andria's place for her 35th birthday party.

So there I am, all drunk off chardonnay unplugged, emotionally wraught in an off the shoulder black sweater and sparkly shoes. If you knew me, which no one there did, I looked so obviously doused in my own shit it was great. The bash wore on fairly lamely, I somehow didn't fit in with all these 30 somethings getting engaged and knocked up and what not. I had just broken into a strangers bottle of wine and planted myself beside the cheesie bowl when a few promising hooligans entered the room. Even though they were also 30 somethings, somehow they fit in even less than I did.

One of them was a squat stocky man with huge curly black hair and a gayish sweater that buttoned on an angle. He made a beeline for me and laid on the spiel thick. I was drunk but I spent a good half hour just laughing at his obviousness. As if I would fall for that. Until he cornered me in the kitchen and kissed me on the lips. Our kissing matched, so what else could I do? I whispered, "Let's get out of here." We spent the next 10 weeks or so playing games and claiming that we weren't. He's 35 and never had a relationaship last more than 6 months. I'm 24 and been in love with everyone that I've kissed. I thought I could be all cool and Sex and the City. He's never even heard of that show. I was so miserable and self conscious I could barely enjoy myself in any physical or intellectual way with him. But I faked it, because I thought some mystical meaning would arise from the experience. Fate had pushed him in my path, I usually just roll with it. What the hell else do I have going for me.

And after I sent him this letter... It took us over a week to get in touch, voice to voice and talk about it. He told me he was going through a rough time in his life, and that he just wasn't feeling the urge to be with me.

So basically, he's going through a mid life crisis and he only wants to talk about it with his other slightly ugly single jewish man pals. I don't miss any of it and that disturbs me, because I slept with him and never even came close to loving him. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the mystical meaning will reveal itself in time. Hopefully before I go out and Cheap Slut it up again.


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DATE: May 3rd, 2006
FROM: CHEAP SLUT
TO: FRANK
SUBJECT: REview


i'm not writing you because i'm lame or immature or a pussy, i'm just a very troubled speaker. plus i haven't written a letter like this to a boy since highschool, so its a novelty of twisted sorts. i find it pretty interesting how our 'friend'ship has devolved over the past little while. no one to blame, except fate in slow motion. hey, we said we wanted to take it slow, i guess we got our wish.

i've realized over the past month that i was fooling myself. maybe relative to your world, us hanging out together wasn't casual - cause you don't really do that sex and the city stuff... but relative to my little world, it was tres casual, and what i've realized now is that i didn't want it to be. i was waiting for it to matter more. just mean more to both of our worlds at the moment. i'm not saying i wish we liked each other more, or were falling in love, or any of that bullcrock. just that we could help each other out more.

yeah, you being my third partner was special, but a whole different kind of special, and i was open to that. i think i wished it was more special to you, like maybe you would tell nice stories about me to girls you will sleep with in the future, not about squirting or having red pubic hair, but just kind and gentle and fond stories about that special 24 year old. i wanted to serve some really good purpose in your life, because i thought you could in mine. i'm always looking back at my experiences from way up ahead in the road and wondering what kind of lesson or metaphor i'll paint it with then, and i hoped we could do some good for each other.

i am very emotionally volatile right now, i can't turn off and just be cool, or not worry and get turned on, or any of that. i don't have many friends, or any 'friends' because i'm hauling around a lot of shit and i'm not really up for faking it. i truly enjoyed us hanging out together. it was good for me to have someone new to venture into the real world with, or for, to push my comfort zone and to test how cool i can be despite how afraid i am. i really liked having a new space to visit, meeting very real people, i hoped that i could be a positive part of your everyday, because i really liked it there. but i was waiting to not have to try so hard, to be reassured somehow that i fit in, that i could make your life better somehow. make things easier for you, because i thought you could do that for me.

i guess fate collided at andria's party and now we're recovering. maybe you saw a vision that night that never really appeared again, and now we're letting it go. or you could just be saying - what the fuck is this girl spinning? that cheap slut must be on the crack. either way, i'm very interested for you to express yourself. about all of this and two questions i've had burning in my head for a while. in relation to your world, why did you feel safe not using a condom, and what's your biggest love story?

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You were an idiot to offer drunken sex to a stranger. He was a scumbag to accept it. Better an idiot than a scumbag - and easier to get over it too.

3:51 PM, May 17, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"i guess fate collided at andria's party and now we're recovering. maybe you saw a vision that night that never really appeared"...

umm, it did appear. it was that of a cheap slut. he got what he wanted. get on with your life. btw, way to go letting us know you squirt and all. who cares??!!!!

10:08 PM, May 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cheap Slut says : Misunderstanding #1 - I didn't have sex with him the first night I met him, not until like 2 weeks later actually.
Misunderstanding #2 - "...a vision that never really appeared AGAIN..." As in I was never AGAIN that person he first met, never AGAIN as Cheap of a Slut. The squirting comment was a joke, because he would tell me these graphic stories about his past bed mates. I was trying to insult him a little.

11:35 AM, May 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Believe it or not, this can be an important (not to mention expected) part of disentangling from a marriage/significant love affair that's gone wrong. You're not a slut; you're a woman realizing that she can share her body without losing her soul. Now you've seen both extremes and you can find where, in between, you can live.

11:20 AM, May 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

after 2 weeks wow you really are a cheap slut

12:16 PM, May 31, 2006  
Blogger mutterhals said...

Please, two weeks, I've barely waited two hours. If she's a cheap slut I'm THE cheap slut. of the year.

1:59 PM, June 05, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love how people think cheap slut means something. women who wait two years to fuck a guy still get screwed over. i'm sorry, but what day and age do we live in that a one night stand is some big freakin deal? quacks.

2:35 PM, June 17, 2006  
Anonymous I_Just_Want_Her_Back said...

Personally, I like her writing style and quirkiness. Reminds me a LOT of a girl I was really into back in the late 90's, although she was REALLY messed up (Cheap Slut - stay sane).

12:35 AM, January 19, 2007  

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