Wednesday, October 07, 2009

CASE # 104: Masochistic Femme Fatale + Brooklyn Boy

SUBMITTED BY: Masochistic Femme Fatale

Born&Bred Bklyn Boy(Bbbb)/Masochistic Femme Fatale(mff)
1 yr of horrible & turbulent hell speckled with only a masochist’s appreciation and sometimes awkward and disturbing joy

Dear Bbbb,

Our relationship was not a box of chocolates but more a box from Pandora herself. Mysteries, secrets, puzzlement, and brainteasers leaving one with the $4,000 question, "who the f^$% are you dude!", only magicians could pull out of a hat what you could pull out of a minute! The saddest part is you were the most manipulating disaster worker out there yet I know you can't even read this without help with your eight grade knowledge. How could an intelligent creature such as myself I could fallen for a guy with only a middle school education at most. But it ended up being your swagger, your cute Brooklyn accent, and all the presents you showered upon me night and day that titillated that oh so wonderful G spot that hijacked my brain to make stupid and oh so lustful decisions. I didn't even like you at first. In fact you reeked of trickster the first minute you opened your mouth and the words "howwww youuuu dooooin" fell out. In fact my solar plexis did a back flip from Borough Hall to Wall Street faster then the express train. You were synonymous with the word WRONG WAY, but it only took a bad dating experience that got me to take that left inside of the right! You knew it too and even though you didn't know much about integrity you made up for it in perseverance. I guess predators have to. So you finally got me and made me your neighborhood girl and everyone would know including your wife, yeah the one you were "separated" from. But it turns out you found the only submissive Latin woman in the borough that overlooked your scandalous ways and hence I believed your story. I even stood by you when Ms. Thang from Queens showed up wanting the last thing I could even imagine hearing over the phone from the other other woman... a requested DNA test...which came out positive. As I write this letter now, I feel like I am writing a script for the Jerry Springer show, but no it just happened to be a reality you brought to my life. You turned me into everything ugly and horrible that I never knew I could own. You turned my life, my apartment, my checking account upside down. And when you finally tried to get the best of me, all of my instinct to fight back saved my life. Now I am stronger, wiser, bolder, and more articulate as to whom I am, what I want to write and create in my life script. I used to have a writer's block, but now you opened up the flood guts baby! As you get the final look of me on that back of a book you will try to convince whoever you are now manipulating with the words "I used to date that girl" and I will never ever think about you again, unless I decide to consult on an article regarding sociopaths. Too bad the courts let you keep walking the streets for stalking and assaulting me. I know one day they will get you for something much more serious. You are never going to change. I pray for the safety of all women that they don't cross your path. AMEN! I never thought I could become so delusional because of a man but it wasn't until I realized I was dating a demon that I forgave myself.

-Have fun in your future home,
Rikers Island, Bbbb

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Isn't it.


INFO:P-Town cop and I started dating in Febuary of '09. He responded to an ad I had on craigslist looking for a roommate because he thought my pictures were cute. He had just seperated from his wife, and was thouroughly damaged. I figured I had a lot of work cut out for me. The letter I sent him after the breakup will explaine the rest.

Dear P-Town Cop-

I'm not quite sure where to start this letter, and how to cover everything I want to say. First and foremost I want to tell you that your a douchbag, although I will elaborate on WHY your a douchbag a little bit farther along in this letter.

It started the begininning of Febuary that one faithfull afternoon. I was painting my new house which just happened to be blocks from yours. You responded to my roommate ad on craigslist. Your wife had just dumped you, I was single, hell why not? So you swing by to say hi to me on your way home from work. Your kinda cute.....ish. I mean your a cop so that gives you extra cute points, but your not that cute so I take solace in the fact that I'm waaaaay out of your league. Turns out your really REALLY funny so I decide to hang out with you again, even if its just as friends. The next night you invite me over to watch movies. So, I accept, need the break from painting anyway. Twenty miniuts after I get there you burst into tears and while I'm 'there thering' you, you, all teary and snotty, try to kiss me. Ew. I should have ran. I should have ran RIGHT THEN.....but I didn't. I saw you as a little broken birdy that needed help.

For the first two weeks I tried to convince you we should just be friends, but then I give in. We finally have sex, which isn't half bad. Until you start to cry afterword (Quick note, anyone that knows me knows I HATE IT when people cry). Little did I realize, at that point, I was only there to teach you. You, at 29, had no idea what bills you had, what credit cards were in your name, anything about your bank accounts or your money. Everytime I warned you that your soon to be ex wife was about to do something shady and you would tell me, "No, she wouldn't do that", she did. Finally, after about a month, you started to listen to me. I helped you find a roommate. I found out what bills you had and taught you how to pay them. I found you a great deal on a new car (after your truck died and I spent two weeks being your taxi). I helped you write your seperation agreement, and negotiate a fair deal between you and your ex. I fucked your brains out.

I asked you one day, because things were starting to get a bit serious, if I was just your rebound (which I knew, of course, I was), and you said NO, of course not, you loved me duh. And then you fucked your soon to be ex wife one afternoon. How could I really be mad? I got over it. After a month and a half of your horrific mood swings, trying to put a bullett in your head, etc, FINALLY you pull your shit together, and low and behold, under all the emotional trauma, your pretty awesome. I fall in love with you. Two days before we've been dating two months, we go to Home Depo together to get some stuff for my house. Laughing and Joking, we finish shopping and head back to my house to hang curtian rods. Then you break up with me. You tell me your "not ready for a relationship". My reaction borders along the lines of "Are you fucking kidding me?" and "What the fuck?".

I'm sure you want to know why I'm writing you this letter a month later. I went through the hurt stage, I went throught the bitter stage, and the angry stage, and I'm at the "my new boyfriends way hotter than you" stage, but I just found out something that kinda got to me, and I figured you at least owed me an answer. You said we could be friends after we broke up, and I was down with that, shit we even kept fucking for a little bit. I kinda stopped hanging out with you after I realized you were talkin to like three girls, just because it was weird, but what I don't understand is WHY you had the AUDICATY to flip out on me about a facebook status.

MY LIFE does NOT REVOLVE around YOU my dear. I have thought about you a handful of times in the last week, but your current fuckbox and you are not even worthy of that kind of attention. Just because I was at the bar with Sunny and we were joking on the fat girls on the dance floor does not mean that I'm talking about your new girlfriend. But for the record, sense you want to accuse me of talking shit about her, this is what I really think!

I think it's BULLSHIT about you "not being ready to be in a relationship", yet you have a new girlfriend two weeks later.

I think it's BULLSHIT that you lead me on for two months and dumped me out of the blue.

I think it's BULLSHIT that you completly used me.

But even worse, I think it's BULLSHIT that I let you.

As far as your new girlfriend goes, yes I saw the picture and YES she looks like a fat version of the little mermaide. No, my facebook status about the readheaded "Shamu" was not about her but now that you mention it the resemblance is striking! And furthermore her teeth look like she has been chewing on rocks. Oh, and the whole part about her telling you we couldnt be friends because I'm your ex, and she's uncomftorable? You've been fuckin her for a WEEK dude. A week. She's a dumb whore, and your a little bitch for listening to her. She's uncomftorable because I'm 75 pounds lighter than her with perfectly straight teeth, make 80K a year and am a semi-pro athlete. I heard fat girls suck a good dick because they are always hungry?

Anyway, this is to tell you to STOP. Stop texting me when she's not around. Stop telling me you miss me. Stop putting off giving me my stuff back so you can have an excuse to talk to me. Stop facebook stalking me. I'm seeing someone, and he dosen't appreciate your strange facination with me, so quit. Plus, he has 75 pounds on you, but it's of muscle, so I really wouldn't piss him off. So soyanara P-Town cop. I hope you enjoy the life I helped you put together.